i wanna go learn dancing!

n i think my lappy's "a" key is broken.

i think it's funny how i laugh over my cynicism.

how it seems as if some stuff don't bother me anymore.

how it seems as if guys -- married or otherwise, cheating are nothing to me.

how it seems as if it's natural for me to realise, in less than 2 decades on Earth, that love does not last.

how it seems as if it's fine for me to notice that the fear of disappointing FRIENDS is something that is apparent in every decision made. when that shld NOT be the case.

how it seems as if it's normal for everyone to be selfish. less selfish and not more selfless. it's playing with words. but it's true.

quite sad. to be jaded at age 19. sad how i laugh despite saying cynical stuff. sad how i'm amused and happy when i shld be solemn n upset. heck. THE WORLD DOES NOT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE. OR HOW TO BEHAVE AND FEEL. THE WORLD CAN JUST GO EAT SHIT AND DIE. dun be mistakened. im actually in a good mood now.

i had a nightmare. i dreamt tt my mom passed away. in my dream, i sent a sms tt said "this pain is 100 times worse than how i imagined it to be." it really hurt. i woke up with a pain in my chest. bleah. i hope nothing happens.

posingggg..hahaha...i really lk to take pictures! izzy knows that! don't u, izzy?!? anyway..i really enjoyed tonight. altho it was at tamp. and i hate tamp. cos its damn crowded. n i hate crowds. but i'm still happy! yay! cheers! to us. and camera phones! hahahahaha

whoever says that lump and i look alk obviously hasn't seen izzy n i. check out the twinny-ness! harrr

true telepathic moment: when u meet ur dear friend only to find her wearing the exact same top u'r wearing. how cool huh! see d a101 shirts! woooo hoooo. the only cool thing part is how we wore the same shirt. not the shirt.

we wish you a merry christmas
we wish you a merry christmas
we wish you a merry christmas
and a happppppppppy new year!

this is stupidity at its max.

i cannot believe i pretended tt i was holiday-ing when i was supposed to be studying for the papers.(okay..i did tt..but..at this current moment, i deeply regret doing tt). i shldn't have watched wadever i watched when i shld be studying! oh no! i dun want to fail any module n end up retaking it nx yr! i dun want to be kicked out! why do i want results when i didn't put in effort? OH NOOOOOOOO.......

OH NO.

am listening to "imagine me without you" by jaci velasquez. n i just wondered why love songs are all abt how i can't lose you. what abt YOU not being able to lose ME? what abt how indispensible i am, instead of you being all the important? hmmmmm....ego ego. ahahahaa

this is an ugly picture of my nice coin pouch.

to everyone, it looks lk a fortune cookie.

to mr tan zheng roy, it looks lk "a really really huge five-stone."

smarrrrrrt.

i'm 19 years old.

i'm a big girl.

and big girls don't cry.

right?

right.

big girls don't cry.

the dark is too soothing to be real.

big girls don't cry.

big girls don't cry.

if i do get married, the person will definitely NOT be lk my dad.

(to all: for a clearer picture, please read the part 1 to this entry, which is in xue ping's blog..and obviously, if u are one of those who go thru life without using ur brains, let me tell u tt u shld go click under "xueping" in d links.)

Dear christine lump xue ping, in view of the accusations thrown onto me, i guess it's time for me to start clarifying my stand and explain it, instead of giving the supposedly “flimsy excuses”.

1.
is it my fault that the weather was hot? I whined. Yes. I whined that the weather was unbearably hot. I whined that i am NOT going to play tennis in such weather. Heck, i don't even play tennis to begin with. Then again, i do not believe that my whines are THAT powerful, to stop you from playing tennis. I might be important in your life, where i can make my views known without thinking too much and you won't be offended, but i doubt i'll be so influential that i can stop you from doing something you love. I couldn't stop lionel. Even after you joined me (note: YOU JOINED me) in whining, lionel played with the wall. Quite weird, but yeah, mr chew played with the wall. So, i did not jinx your attempt to play tennis. I merely became a convenient thing for you to attribute your failed attempt to.

2.
You wanted to play badminton with clare, and asked me along, which i very enthusiastically agreed. I mean, afterall, there's no sun in a badminton hall. But being the smart person you are, you chose to play tennis on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY. Tell me, which PUBLIC sports complex is open on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY. In fact, it was d NATIONAL DAY. Why do i remember? Cos i was in a red shirt, and i spotted many ppl in red shirts tt day due to the national day carnival that was held in tampines. I want to add that although we did not manage to play badminton in the courts tt day, clare and i played outside the hall. I've a picture as evidence. Ask me for it. While YOU sat down on a bench and whined and suggested a pigging out session at pizza hut! So, who jinxed this attempt?

3.
Someday, i'll be extremely thankful towards you for thinking that i am so influential, great, important and almighty that i can control the weather. Maybe what you said was true! Maybe due to my laziness, i managed to gather the dark clouds together on that morning when we planned to cycle(it was 9th december, by the way. Quite recent). Maybe my desire to sleep in was so strong that it brought down rain. Maybe all my decisions will be reflected in the day's weather! Maybe. Just maybe. Or maybe, my dearest friend decided to push all the blame to me once again. you just forgot about how i probably wasn't THAT influential and that i was actually QUITE excited abt cycling. Just maybe.

My love for u runs deep. It's so deep that i do not mind u accusing me without justified claims and giving baseless conclusions without any strand of proper evidence or concrete examples that i managed to control the weather, the public amenities and your behaviour. Don't worry. I do not discriminate against people who cannot prove, beyond reasonable doubt, that their claims are justified and supported.

Love, jing.

KERSHYA WONG SU LING.

i love you. to bits. haha. thanks for today. i'm really really happy. u made me smile. and laugh. and feel extremely happy. even tho all we did was eat, rot, saunter arnd and take pics. which is wad we ALWAYS do anyway. i love you. i'm going to soak up all your time before you return. cos u always succeed in making my day.

i've been pondering really hard over what i was told. I feel lk some confused little kid, who's quite deprived at the same time. Then again, don't bother asking me what i'm confused about, because like what i told Lionel, i'm actually quite confused about what i'm confused about. This might not make sense, but it's true. I don't know how to put it down in words properly. This confusion might not end soon. It keeps recurring. But i'll understand it all soon. I hope. I mean, afterall, i managed to figure a little bit out last night. Confusion confusion. I wonder if Confucious was confused in his life. HA! Okay. Couldn't resist that last bit. Just ignore it.

*disclaimer.
1) it's not in chronological order
. 2) don't read if u didn't spend any part of the day with me. it'll bore u to death. cept d 1st 2.
3) don't assume tt im talking abt you, unless i state ur name. nooo hinting in my blog.
4) fishermen village has bad dinner. the ambience doesn't make up for it at all. thank goodness there was good company. okay. this isn't really a disclaimer, but i felt lk putting this down.*

today...i saw humans who behaved lk monkeys. i doubt i will ever forget how the woman picked at the man's zits. i mean, it's something to be done at home, not in the mrt, with everyone staring at you. maybe they'r havin an affair, so they've no home to return to for zit-picking. u know how monkeys pick each other's lice? yeah..tt's the image tt'll remain etched in my mind. cept that it was really zits, and not lice. and tt one had long hair. and tt it was on d face, and not d back. and tt they were really humans, and not monkeys.

today...i saw a guy with really really ugly hair. hair so ugly, im amazed he actually took time to style it. he might as well go to some makeover show and let them cut his hair n attempt to make him look better. maybe he was hoping for that. well, in any case, he needs more than a makeover to look good. he needs plastic surgery. he also needs to learn to smoke properly, facing the direction d wind is blowing, cox he stank. and since he stinks, he shld learn how to sit properly too. i've never sat tt close to anyone on the mrt before. it's quite scary. he's got ugly hair. he stinks. he can't speak. and he sat too close.

today...i watched "a twist of fate". it's a really good musical. it's a really fresh change from the usual fluffy musicals singapore theatre puts up. and it's a very impressive attempt at adopting such a classic story into local context. but, the only problem was that, the musical ended a bit late. which means, tt i was late in meeting angie n sammi. and this translated into how we were all late in meeting clar, lump, izzy and apple. then we, all 7 of us, had roy waiting for us for errrr...hahaha..i've no idea how long. more than an hour i think. just cos of tt musical! but it was worth it. i'm sorry, roy. but it was a real good musical. hahaha

today...i ran from esplanade to city hall. after i ran to some weird shop to get a box that i dun even see d need for. but i'll turn it into something useful, like how i attempt to make expensive stuff useful. somehow. and that was only after i went to get nice lil toy figures! har har. i got the toy figures before the play. n i lk them. i've half a mind to keep them for my own. they're really cute. and they'r great decoration. hmmm! maybe i really shld keep them. afterall, they'r MY fave cartoon characters. well, at least if the thing's rejected, i can keep it. yay.

today...i found out tt going out in a big group, someone will feel wrong. not sad. but wrong. just not happy. God probably did help to build up my sensitivity. but i guess i need more work. but not to the extent, where i tear every single moment. the moment of unhappiness might just be a result..of nature. it's probably just the politics of human nature. that we'll feel sian after a while of nothing-ness in a group, unless u'r involved in that bout of nothing-ness. and tt sian-ness shows. and not surprisingly, it only goes off aft someone realises it.

today...i realised tt i really am a psychic! there were many many telepathic moments! and the major major telepathic moment was when i realised that i intended to give someone a gift he gave me. which, by the way, wasn't really snail-mailing tau huey, cos even if dhl sent me the tau huey in an hr, i'd be quite disgusted. well, anyhow, the other telepathic party decides tt he doesn't really want to be telepathic with me. soooo, its okay. i shall just continue having my telephone parties (telepathy. telephone parties. telepathy party. get it?) with lump.

oh oh, if sammi and lump look alk, and i look lk lump, what do we arrive at? if u think that it just means that i look lk sammi. u'r wrong. u'r really wrong. it just means that lump has a common face. HAHAHAHAH. but i still love u, lump.