i wanna go learn dancing!

n i think my lappy's "a" key is broken.

i think it's funny how i laugh over my cynicism.

how it seems as if some stuff don't bother me anymore.

how it seems as if guys -- married or otherwise, cheating are nothing to me.

how it seems as if it's natural for me to realise, in less than 2 decades on Earth, that love does not last.

how it seems as if it's fine for me to notice that the fear of disappointing FRIENDS is something that is apparent in every decision made. when that shld NOT be the case.

how it seems as if it's normal for everyone to be selfish. less selfish and not more selfless. it's playing with words. but it's true.

quite sad. to be jaded at age 19. sad how i laugh despite saying cynical stuff. sad how i'm amused and happy when i shld be solemn n upset. heck. THE WORLD DOES NOT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE. OR HOW TO BEHAVE AND FEEL. THE WORLD CAN JUST GO EAT SHIT AND DIE. dun be mistakened. im actually in a good mood now.

i had a nightmare. i dreamt tt my mom passed away. in my dream, i sent a sms tt said "this pain is 100 times worse than how i imagined it to be." it really hurt. i woke up with a pain in my chest. bleah. i hope nothing happens.

posingggg..hahaha...i really lk to take pictures! izzy knows that! don't u, izzy?!? anyway..i really enjoyed tonight. altho it was at tamp. and i hate tamp. cos its damn crowded. n i hate crowds. but i'm still happy! yay! cheers! to us. and camera phones! hahahahaha

whoever says that lump and i look alk obviously hasn't seen izzy n i. check out the twinny-ness! harrr

true telepathic moment: when u meet ur dear friend only to find her wearing the exact same top u'r wearing. how cool huh! see d a101 shirts! woooo hoooo. the only cool thing part is how we wore the same shirt. not the shirt.

we wish you a merry christmas
we wish you a merry christmas
we wish you a merry christmas
and a happppppppppy new year!

this is stupidity at its max.

i cannot believe i pretended tt i was holiday-ing when i was supposed to be studying for the papers.(okay..i did tt..but..at this current moment, i deeply regret doing tt). i shldn't have watched wadever i watched when i shld be studying! oh no! i dun want to fail any module n end up retaking it nx yr! i dun want to be kicked out! why do i want results when i didn't put in effort? OH NOOOOOOOO.......

OH NO.

am listening to "imagine me without you" by jaci velasquez. n i just wondered why love songs are all abt how i can't lose you. what abt YOU not being able to lose ME? what abt how indispensible i am, instead of you being all the important? hmmmmm....ego ego. ahahahaa

this is an ugly picture of my nice coin pouch.

to everyone, it looks lk a fortune cookie.

to mr tan zheng roy, it looks lk "a really really huge five-stone."

smarrrrrrt.

i'm 19 years old.

i'm a big girl.

and big girls don't cry.

right?

right.

big girls don't cry.

the dark is too soothing to be real.

big girls don't cry.

big girls don't cry.

if i do get married, the person will definitely NOT be lk my dad.

(to all: for a clearer picture, please read the part 1 to this entry, which is in xue ping's blog..and obviously, if u are one of those who go thru life without using ur brains, let me tell u tt u shld go click under "xueping" in d links.)

Dear christine lump xue ping, in view of the accusations thrown onto me, i guess it's time for me to start clarifying my stand and explain it, instead of giving the supposedly “flimsy excuses”.

1.
is it my fault that the weather was hot? I whined. Yes. I whined that the weather was unbearably hot. I whined that i am NOT going to play tennis in such weather. Heck, i don't even play tennis to begin with. Then again, i do not believe that my whines are THAT powerful, to stop you from playing tennis. I might be important in your life, where i can make my views known without thinking too much and you won't be offended, but i doubt i'll be so influential that i can stop you from doing something you love. I couldn't stop lionel. Even after you joined me (note: YOU JOINED me) in whining, lionel played with the wall. Quite weird, but yeah, mr chew played with the wall. So, i did not jinx your attempt to play tennis. I merely became a convenient thing for you to attribute your failed attempt to.

2.
You wanted to play badminton with clare, and asked me along, which i very enthusiastically agreed. I mean, afterall, there's no sun in a badminton hall. But being the smart person you are, you chose to play tennis on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY. Tell me, which PUBLIC sports complex is open on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY. In fact, it was d NATIONAL DAY. Why do i remember? Cos i was in a red shirt, and i spotted many ppl in red shirts tt day due to the national day carnival that was held in tampines. I want to add that although we did not manage to play badminton in the courts tt day, clare and i played outside the hall. I've a picture as evidence. Ask me for it. While YOU sat down on a bench and whined and suggested a pigging out session at pizza hut! So, who jinxed this attempt?

3.
Someday, i'll be extremely thankful towards you for thinking that i am so influential, great, important and almighty that i can control the weather. Maybe what you said was true! Maybe due to my laziness, i managed to gather the dark clouds together on that morning when we planned to cycle(it was 9th december, by the way. Quite recent). Maybe my desire to sleep in was so strong that it brought down rain. Maybe all my decisions will be reflected in the day's weather! Maybe. Just maybe. Or maybe, my dearest friend decided to push all the blame to me once again. you just forgot about how i probably wasn't THAT influential and that i was actually QUITE excited abt cycling. Just maybe.

My love for u runs deep. It's so deep that i do not mind u accusing me without justified claims and giving baseless conclusions without any strand of proper evidence or concrete examples that i managed to control the weather, the public amenities and your behaviour. Don't worry. I do not discriminate against people who cannot prove, beyond reasonable doubt, that their claims are justified and supported.

Love, jing.

KERSHYA WONG SU LING.

i love you. to bits. haha. thanks for today. i'm really really happy. u made me smile. and laugh. and feel extremely happy. even tho all we did was eat, rot, saunter arnd and take pics. which is wad we ALWAYS do anyway. i love you. i'm going to soak up all your time before you return. cos u always succeed in making my day.

i've been pondering really hard over what i was told. I feel lk some confused little kid, who's quite deprived at the same time. Then again, don't bother asking me what i'm confused about, because like what i told Lionel, i'm actually quite confused about what i'm confused about. This might not make sense, but it's true. I don't know how to put it down in words properly. This confusion might not end soon. It keeps recurring. But i'll understand it all soon. I hope. I mean, afterall, i managed to figure a little bit out last night. Confusion confusion. I wonder if Confucious was confused in his life. HA! Okay. Couldn't resist that last bit. Just ignore it.

*disclaimer.
1) it's not in chronological order
. 2) don't read if u didn't spend any part of the day with me. it'll bore u to death. cept d 1st 2.
3) don't assume tt im talking abt you, unless i state ur name. nooo hinting in my blog.
4) fishermen village has bad dinner. the ambience doesn't make up for it at all. thank goodness there was good company. okay. this isn't really a disclaimer, but i felt lk putting this down.*

today...i saw humans who behaved lk monkeys. i doubt i will ever forget how the woman picked at the man's zits. i mean, it's something to be done at home, not in the mrt, with everyone staring at you. maybe they'r havin an affair, so they've no home to return to for zit-picking. u know how monkeys pick each other's lice? yeah..tt's the image tt'll remain etched in my mind. cept that it was really zits, and not lice. and tt one had long hair. and tt it was on d face, and not d back. and tt they were really humans, and not monkeys.

today...i saw a guy with really really ugly hair. hair so ugly, im amazed he actually took time to style it. he might as well go to some makeover show and let them cut his hair n attempt to make him look better. maybe he was hoping for that. well, in any case, he needs more than a makeover to look good. he needs plastic surgery. he also needs to learn to smoke properly, facing the direction d wind is blowing, cox he stank. and since he stinks, he shld learn how to sit properly too. i've never sat tt close to anyone on the mrt before. it's quite scary. he's got ugly hair. he stinks. he can't speak. and he sat too close.

today...i watched "a twist of fate". it's a really good musical. it's a really fresh change from the usual fluffy musicals singapore theatre puts up. and it's a very impressive attempt at adopting such a classic story into local context. but, the only problem was that, the musical ended a bit late. which means, tt i was late in meeting angie n sammi. and this translated into how we were all late in meeting clar, lump, izzy and apple. then we, all 7 of us, had roy waiting for us for errrr...hahaha..i've no idea how long. more than an hour i think. just cos of tt musical! but it was worth it. i'm sorry, roy. but it was a real good musical. hahaha

today...i ran from esplanade to city hall. after i ran to some weird shop to get a box that i dun even see d need for. but i'll turn it into something useful, like how i attempt to make expensive stuff useful. somehow. and that was only after i went to get nice lil toy figures! har har. i got the toy figures before the play. n i lk them. i've half a mind to keep them for my own. they're really cute. and they'r great decoration. hmmm! maybe i really shld keep them. afterall, they'r MY fave cartoon characters. well, at least if the thing's rejected, i can keep it. yay.

today...i found out tt going out in a big group, someone will feel wrong. not sad. but wrong. just not happy. God probably did help to build up my sensitivity. but i guess i need more work. but not to the extent, where i tear every single moment. the moment of unhappiness might just be a result..of nature. it's probably just the politics of human nature. that we'll feel sian after a while of nothing-ness in a group, unless u'r involved in that bout of nothing-ness. and tt sian-ness shows. and not surprisingly, it only goes off aft someone realises it.

today...i realised tt i really am a psychic! there were many many telepathic moments! and the major major telepathic moment was when i realised that i intended to give someone a gift he gave me. which, by the way, wasn't really snail-mailing tau huey, cos even if dhl sent me the tau huey in an hr, i'd be quite disgusted. well, anyhow, the other telepathic party decides tt he doesn't really want to be telepathic with me. soooo, its okay. i shall just continue having my telephone parties (telepathy. telephone parties. telepathy party. get it?) with lump.

oh oh, if sammi and lump look alk, and i look lk lump, what do we arrive at? if u think that it just means that i look lk sammi. u'r wrong. u'r really wrong. it just means that lump has a common face. HAHAHAHAH. but i still love u, lump.

maybe its just me. but my bdays seem to get worse by the year.

i saw my cousin's christmas list on his blog. so i decided to write down my bday wish list. HINT!

i want my mickey mouse phone.

i want some rich boyfriend to buy me that mickey mouse phone. which just means i want tt phone.

and since im dreaming..i might as well ask for a better brain so tt i'll pass contract this fri.


if u get me any of this..i'll do you a big favour n stop irritating u for the rest of my life.

a sign of how navy killed roy's sanity.

admiral kRack - yesterday, today and everyday. says:

reach me via my secetary at 97941418. (it's my double role you see, i'm schizo, it makes me feel important) hahahaha

dun worry roy..i still love you.

yeah well..i was supposed to be studying for sls..but i got into a convo abt religion. n i just want to record it down.

i think religion is a way of life. because it involves beliefs. only when you believe in your God, then it is possible for you to turn to your God for help. with belief, there's conviction in your prayers. with conviction, there's consolation, comfort and answer.

religion's definitely more than an avenue where you dump your pain, sorrows, fear and worries on your God. it's a constant assurance that you've protection and love from someone Almighty and that everytime you need Him, He'll never desert you. Not many people can give you that assurance. maybe parents. then again, that is why we call Him Father, isn't it.

i lk how they lock eyes and break into smiles. cause it's instantaneous. and real (despite the obvious fact tt its reel). and extremely extremely sweet. just one look to say it all.

im stuck in that fairytale. and i dun see d need to get out of it.

today..i found out that i've something new in my possession. i've a pepper spray. my mom bought it for me because of the stupid research binder. i've been coming home VERY VERY late daily..n that was why she bought the pepper spray for me. amusing. but very heartwarming.

and i've to record this reaction down. or better yet, as zah says, immortalize it.
"she thinks ppl are into kids nowadays?" thanks, best fren. thank you v much.

the day i think i might actually be better off dead.

"Bad Day" Daniel Powter (too apt)

Where is the moment we needed the most

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

They tell me your blue skies fade to grey

They tell me your passion's gone away

And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low

You're faking a smile with the coffee to go

You tell me your life's been way off line

You're falling to pieces everytime

And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday

The point is they laugh at what you say

And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink

And the whole thing turns out wrong

You might not make it back and you know

That you could be well oh that strong

And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most

Oh you and I

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

You've seen what you like

And how does it feel for one more time

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Had a bad day

Had a bad day

Had a bad day

Had a bad day

Had a bad day

the feeling is back to haunt me.

i do not like it.

at all.

i cannot believe im up now despite slping at 5.30 am this morning. i dun lk it.

because of my tutor's overfertile mind, i'm bound to the binder (yes. pun meant) for abt a month. but, i've only really started doing this crap for the past 2 days. in fact, i've been staying up till past 3 am for the past 2 nights. the lack of slp, irregular mealtimes, trees murdered to print the cases, ink wasted and the strain that my eyes are open to. just for a fictional character. a fictional character who should have just stayed inside my tutor's head, instead of popping out and destroying our lives.

3 months into school. and i feel as if i've never done more work in my life. well. i really haven't done more work in my life than the past 3 months. i'm gg for a ko shinbo buffet aft the presentation to reward myself for surviving this nonsense. then i'm gg to slp. slp slp slp. till tues. wake up. n try to do contracts tut. sigh. n my pooor lappy is overriden with viruses. kill me.

by the way. happy halloween. i'm sure the faculty will have a successful halloween party. school later will prob be overflowing with pandas.

i want to talk abt how i feel. i want to let someone know that i'm not happy.

but i dunno how to explain how and why i feel this way. and i don't think i shld go disturb ppl just like tt.

this dilemma is making me crumble. in every single way.

exciting day today. had a virus. freaking trojan. and my fren got rid of it for me! yay. haha..
if u need my fren n his cool anti-virus, come look for me k..i'll tell him!

i realised that before i msg anyone (frm my fac), many many questions go thru my mind. "is that person busy?" "will i be disturbing that person?" "should i try asking a qns?" "will they be irritated with what i have to say?" yadda yadda. often, this results in me not msging them. oh well.

on a bright note. celebrated n feasted on fri night with the fellow pigs. for their bdays. gave apple n lump a notebook each. i will ALWAYS rem how i was asked "you're giving your friends NOTEBOOKS for their bdays?" but hey. i wrote something for them. meaningful, or not, is one question. but at least, i wrote abt things we ALL could identify with. it's our secret! ahaha. ehh..thanks zah. for the contribution of nice markers. we are all eternally grateful. really.

oh. fish & co swordfish collar is extremely oily. every bite i take, oil SPILLS out. i've no idea how come a tiny piece of fish manages to conceal so much oil. gross. i basically left the swordfish collar to be mutilated by izzy while we waited for apple.

and i guess i really do look as if i have an attitude problem. or just in a really bad mood. perpetually. not that i care. oh oh. and lump made a collage for me. (she's not tt artistic. she just has a good prog for managing pictures) and i really like it! it's currently my wallpaper! and i realised tt if i actually use her com, i might feel as if it's mine, given the number of pictures of me she has inside. maybe she's stalking me! or maybe d 3 of us just happen to go out together all the time. lump, me and best fren, whom we lovingly nicknamed cammie. no outing is complete without him. d day technology becomes indispensable has arrived. it's no longer just part of our lives. it becomes indispensable. and to think we decided to make some techonological stuff our best fren. but he's a smart techo piece! and the name is damn apt.

with the recent reports on how natural disasters hit and destroyed every countries, from the richest US to the poorest Paskistan,i think it is quite obvious how ironies scream frm the reports.

US was hit by Katrina.
Pakistan was destroyed by that earthquake.

US is supposed to be a liberal, established, civilised and well-educated country.
Pakistan remains to be a 3rd world country - poor, impoverished and undeveloped.

New Orleans, after being destroyed by Katrina, ended up with fresh new reports on how there was looting, plundering and a total state of lawlessness.
Kashmir, however, generated reports on how strangers have been helping others selflessly, like how one guy piggybacked an old woman with a crushed pelvic bone to a hospital that requires 3 hrs of walking.

maybe it's only cause ppl in Pakistan are used to hardships(as quoted by sammi. or he insisted that i copied from him. here, i gave credit to you now..happy? cont loving my blog's font k). or maybe they just know how to appreciate the lives they almost lost.

don't read if you don't like to hear me whine.

given my penchant to sneak into blogs and start peeking into the bloggers' lives, i've decided that maybe it's time for me to start writing and conversing in proper english. i realise that the standard of my english, both written and oral, is on a downward spiral. and trust me, the slope is pretty steep. once again, i wonder if i chose the wrong course. i KNEW that i was not competent enough, not disciplined enough, not proficient enough in my language, and not smart enough. and now i KNOW that i will never be.

maybe i'm just stuck in this rut where all i can do, and all i want to do is to pity myself. maybe i'm just trying to invite sympathy frm anyone who actually does give a shit about me. self-pity or inviting pity? i don't care. of course, people say that the competition is within yourself and do not compare yourself to others. but it's difficult. not when you know that you're probably at the bottom rung of the cohort, and know that your language and linguistic skills can NEVER match up to others. and especially not when you know that while those in the fac who study happen to have brains (what a coincidence), those who do not study just happen to have MORE brains (another uncanny coincidence). but i guess there is always this small little category somewhere around, where the students who do not study happen to have no brains. and i just happen to have this naggy feeling that i fit in that category.

it's so tough not to compare yourself to others, because you know that if you do not do that, you will never know your flaws, and start working on them. it's tough because you know that you are constantly being compared to others. it's tough because you know that others are constantly comparing you. it's tough because i no longer get average results without putting in any effort. i get mediocre results. it's tough. so why do i insist on lying to myself, saying that it does not matter. my results do not matter. my stupidity does not matter. because it does.

the erosion of my confidence has just started. i don't think it's going to end anytime soon.

okay. got my test back. i didn't fail it. got a B. despite not studying! HA!

and i got my rewrite back too. i got a c. i'm a freaking straight c student for LAWR.

and my sch internet connection keeps screwing up.

didn't read my lect notes, so i've absolutely no idea wad my lecturer is discussing with the rest. not that i care. except for the rumour that the test has been changed from a 24 hrs test to a 3 hrs test. ughs. stab me.

in a good mood today.

didn't do tut, but escaped since i wasn't called to ans qns.

wore a nice happy top. okay..the nice top made me happy, tts y its a nice happy top.

decided on which birki to buy finally. after a night of struggling with my inner desires, i'm gg to get the sweet one.

which reminds me. my fren said tt i look sweet. yays.

and i decided that there's no need for me to pretend tt i'm paying attn today, afterall, i was called on tues.

good day. good mood.

hope it won't be destroyed.

i've been blog searching. you know, just going google, and typing some words that allow me to sift thru tons n tons of blogs. n i found many blogs. too fruitful a result. and it scares me.

the fact tt i found so many blogs. and how i could actually read what they'r thinking. or rather, what they are telling ppl. it's really freaky. i felt like i was...tampering with the unknown. and it is the unknown. just not all that ghostly thing. ughs. scary scary.

i wonder why poeple started searching for blogs. i searched because it was mentioned. i think someone else searched to check for his students' opinions on him. n he found out how he was nicknamed outside class. n actually had the cheek to ask her. hahahahahahaha..joke. hahah!

the accessibility of things online. too accessible.

just read the papers. the govt is planning to stop subsidising foreign workers in health care and all. they claim that they'r still reviewing. but we all know that in the end, the subsidy will stop. and i understand why. i do realise that the cost of subsidising the foreign workers add up to a v high bill. prob a tad too high to the govt. but the article talked abt how this bangladeshi worker earns $27 despite an 11-hr shift daily. a trip to the polyclinic takes $8. but a trip down WITHOUT subsidy, or going to a pte clinic, i think his day's earnings will be gone. it doesn't make sense that brats like us who get to spend more than $50 a day actually cont getting susidies, while they, despite being the ones doing the basic and necessary jobs in singapore, have to stop enjoying the subsidies even tho all they earn is prob arnd $30. we spend more than they earn in a day. we live off their hard work. and all we can do is to say that they'r taking jobs away from us, they'r taking resources away from us, and that they're a threat to us. which is weird. cox i dun ever recall hearing anyone saying that they want to be construction workers. or that they earn less than foreign workers, but work harder than them. in fact, it is recognised that crimes in singapore are mostly committed by.......*surprise surprise* singaporeans. i don't happen to think that foreign workers want to risk getting sent home and not earning money for their families, just to touch a girl's butt. maybe there'r some perves arnd, but they'r a minority. in fact, more singaporeans hanker aft girls' butts than foreign workers.

i will not pretend that i agree with the main reason for the detraction of subsidies for foreign workers. cox i think that the $18 million the govt pays for them annually for subsidising them in polyclinics, cannot and will not exceed how the foreign workers contributed to singapore (reports stated that foreign workers contributed to 41% of national growth in singapore in 1990s). and i don't think it'd be wise to ignore the fact that the singapore govt is rich. maybe they've other painful, heart-felt reasons, but i doubt it. i dun see why expats are given far better treatments, when it's not even proven that they actually do contribute to singapore's economy or society. they'r all foreigners, aren't they? they'r just rich enuf to buy a condo, eat at Olio Dome, and have girls hankering aft them instead. so is that why there's a discrepancy in the service and attitude they get? cox money and power attracts? they don't need subsidies. they can afford the best services available anywhere with that 6-figure pay they get monthly. the foreign construction workers NEED subsidies. their monthly pay will NOT EVER exceed 3 figures. never. ever. i don't see the need to start worshipping the foreigh construction workers, but i think it's time they get their recognition and appreciation. they left their families, to slave away for long hours, and get paltry pays. just for their families. singapore boasts to be a world-class city. yet policy decisions and govt bills are issued based on money issues. yet we're all so narrow-minded that the moment we see bangladeshi workers, we shun them( i don't deny doing that). yet we never appreciated and gave gratitude to those people who did all the shit work that we feel that we'r OVERQUALIFIED to do. so much for bring a world-class city. maybe world-class in hypocrisy.

disclaimer: these are MY opinions. never meant to defame anyone or offend anyone. have been taught to add a disclaimer given the recent spate of bloggers who are held liable for defamatory remarks. and the cases studied that show disclaimers work.

had my 1st law test today. and i predicted correctly. medical negligence and nervous shock. and being the very smart me.....i did NOT study. not that i dun want to. but i seriously couldn't take it. i was too tired............... hais. this always happens. i ALWAYS predict correctly but i ALWAYS dun study them. ughs. the horrible repetition of my sad life. im so gg to fail everything. my nx entry will prob be abt the test....HAIS!

i hate it when they want us to act. i hate it. it defeats the entire purpose of a family gathering. why shld i put up a show just so that they can get ratings? what do i gain? no benefits for me. at all. i don't mind getting together with my family. i love it when we get together and make senseless noise. when those older than me end up swinging toy swords with those much younger than me. but it's private. it's family. sitting together, gathering, talking, smiling and laughing in front of the cam...is what it is. acting. cause, yes, we do sit together, gather, talk, smile and laugh arnd the table...but we'r not fake. normally. i won't say the same for today.

today. everything. is. fake.

what. is. captured. on. the. cam. is. merely. the. director's. imagination.
the. cameraman's. handiwork.
the. image. of. an. ideal. family.
the. lies.

i cried. in public. i cried while walking. nothing was on my mind at tt time. all i knew was that i m crying, and how wonderful it'd be if i was home, snuggled under my comforter, and in my comfort zone. i'm up and abt since morning on a wrong day. too wrong a day.

maybe the reason y i cried was cox i was bugged by some hantu arnd. or maybe, it was just the frustration i felt at tt moment, and the fatigue finally getting to me. i'm in mid-sem. having mid-sem break. which basically means i'm lagging by half a sem. normally, when i'm lagging behind in work, i'm not tired physically. i used to have a good time resting (ie not doing anything) AND still be in sync in sch. now, i'm tired cox i lack slp and my brain is not working. i zone out for every single min. i really need rest. a day when i dun need to rush for time.

i don't like how i was dumped in nowhere just for your convenience. do i really mean so little to you? even tho i pushed back everything for you?

i know tt i'm seen as a cocky bitch.
to those who r fine with me being that: you shld have seen me at the moment when i was lost, sobbing n stripped of my confident facade. you wouldn't know me.
to those who totally detest me for being tt: you would have savoured tt moment. the moment when a cocky bitch realises that she has not done anything worthy in this life and that she has absolutely nothing to be cocky or bitchy abt.

to lump. i hope i didn't freak you out too much by calling you n crying. i just tot of u at tt moment.

to izzy. thank you v much. u'r one of the few reasons y i miss mjc. at least i know my moments in mjc weren't really ALL useless.

to beat. i love you too. u brought a smile back.

to my dad. not that he'll see this, but i've to say this. he's THE only person in this world who will actually stop all tt he's doing just to get back home frm town even tho he was busy n far frm town. he's THE only person in this world who will throw everything away just because i cried. he's THE only person i know who will sacrifice everything for me. (otherthanmymom)

all those who actually bothered to read thru everything, in all appreciation n love, here's a pic of my dad n mom. not the most flattering, but its d only one in my lappy. he's the one who gave me tt genes, making me short, fat and ugly. and because he gave me tt genes, his love for me is unconditional. and all i return are demands for money, cries for help and frequent displays of unhappiness. he's my old man. he's the man.

my eyes hurt frm crying. but i can't stop my tears.

on d day i decided that contract law lect is really nowhere as impt as my slp (i.e. when i finally decided to skip the stupid lect), i was woken up at 8 plus by smses. 2 smses. one aft the other. n my phone was on d loudest volume. how freaking smart. so altho i tried to ignore the 1st noise, the 2nd noise still woke me up. but, it wasn't tt bad afterall. cox i woke up to find one sms frm fun saying tt she misses me (here you are, fun! the entry abt u missing me!). hahaha..a good way to wake up. i mean, not the being harrassed by nokia msg tone at the loudest vol part, but the realisation tt someone misses me today part. ahaha..and yes, i miss you too.

i don't know. sometimes when ppl tell u tt they miss you, does "i miss you too" sound too patronising? but yeah, tt series of sms-es aft the "i miss you" one seriously makes me realise tt i miss fun. i miss mjc. not the sch. but the friends. and the stupid things we do. and the stupid things we SEE others do. and the unkind laughter thrown at those morons. (okay, so maybe only apple n i gave the unkind laughter. most of the time.) haha..i miss all the times we spent stoning n making senseless noise. and i miss dancing stupid dances with fun in d middle of nowhere, while loitering arnd. tt stupid spoof "girls n boys" mv frm good charlotte. *clap clap*. hhaha...okay. private joke there. hahaha...tt was really dumb. hahah..and how fun pointed at the sun's reflection in the bus's window n went "EH wah! the sun so nice!!" bimbo moment. ahhahaha...the worst one. so kershia, don't worry..i've got a fren whose one bimbo moment equates to 2 bimbo moments of urs.

i wanna go back to mjc. minus lessons. and teachers. n lai lai. everything'd be good. and since i'm so happy dreaming, i wanna go back to cedar too. when i EXERCISED. ahhhhh..those were d days...

somehow, school ended up being reduced to comparisons. which school gives the most work? which faculty is more taxing? which module requires more attention? which assignment is more important?

somehow, the only topic of conversation nowadays zero in on how we r struggling in our respective schools, drowning in the huge stacks of reading, overwhelmed by the assignments that are thrown at us, staggering cox of the projects given within a month of sch.

somehow, conversations do not deviate from school.

somehow, school became "who whines more".

somehow.

ouch

tt pang i felt.

stupidity.

i feel stupid. because of you.

don't come up to me and tell me now that studying in law doesn't give me a future. then tell me that since school just started, i can just change faculty now. i just bought the books. the books tt cost a bomb. i'm in law and i'm going to finish it. i'm going to finish it and manage a career to show you that being a legal advisor is not all that bad afterall. don't tell me that i can choose to go FASS to major in econs or to go Biz Ad. i've nothing against both. i just don't relish the idea of having such a general degree. then end up not using what i learnt in my uni years at all. i've already put myself thru years of integration and differentiation. if i choose to do something unlaw after law, at least i know that what i learn in law is extremely useful to me in whatever i do next time.

don't keep telling me that i've made the wrong choice. you've been telling me this when i said i wanted to do communication studies. "wrong choice. saturated market." tell me which market in singapore isn't saturated. tell me which one? why do you keep saying that i've made the wrong choice? what's so good about having a FASS or Biz Ad degree? because they're general and flexible? but i don't want flexibility. i want to learn something useful. something that is actually worth learning. no offense, but i don't like it. every choice i made is wrong to you. yes. i did put law down as a joke. but i got in. and i chose to enter law. so live with it. at least i know that i made this choice. and didn't alter it according to your wishes.

i know you care for me. thank you. but there're still things that i don't need to hear from you. and i mean never. i live with my choices. you can choose to accept it or ignore it. just don't tell me such errant bullshit. because i don't buy it.

oh look! another useless sentence in the book! (refer to previous post) all within 10 mins. smartttt.

"depending on the situation, rule proof and rule application can be very short, very long, or somewhere in between"pg 111

"The law does not create rules for the fun of it" pg 102 'legal reasoning and legal writing' by neumann.

what an inspiring thought. what an enlightenment. the one sentence that just cleared up the mess in my head. law is serious. everyone who reads this entry shall, from now on, be aware that law is not fluff. law isn't all that cloudy stuff that just pops into the judges' minds while they munch on lays potato chips. no judge will be snacking and then suddenly say "hey! i should write a law about defamation! just in case someone comes along and starts labelling me as a fat loser, i've a rule on my side that will help me win a case against that guy!!" law isn't interesting. no matter how silly the case seems, there'll always be that oh-so-serious rule that will drag us back to reality and remind us that law is not fun. it's law. it's serious.

that line from my textbook helped me this much. in realising that law is serious. (like who the heck didn't know that). i hope it helped you too. oh yeah. to all those deluded souls who aspire to study law, and want to buy their own textbooks, this is how useful the textbook is. all for a grand sum of $70+++.

please do not take me seriously. i was joking. i love law. love it to bits. even though i'm falling aslp for all my lectures. attending tutorials with an empty mind. and struggling with all the assignments, readings and what-have-yous. i love law. though it's killing me. killing me softly!!!! i see myself dying a slow, painful, horrible death.

vs is gg to be a co-ed sch?!? lk wad. i mean..this is destroying the entire sch culture. it's lk cedar admitting guys in. i dun lk the idea. cox i think vs guys actually do have this..i dunno..aura? haha..this behaviour and attitude that differentiates them frm the others. i do not lk the sch. but i detest the idea of them turning into co-ed. how gross. destroying the sch. ridiculous. no wonder the vs ppl, ex and current, are making so much noise abt it. such stupid decisions ppl make. ugh. poor vs. i hope this stupid idea doesn't pull thru.

well, one thing i dun understand, is how assignments will be given without deep, insightful explanation of how it shld be done. i mean, if i know how to write a case summary, i wouldn't be in d class now, would i?

well..just back from the corrine may concert. man. she's so talented. tt $25 i paid was, in my opinion, way underpriced. i felt as if i was there for a $250 performance. haha..okay. maybe not THAT ex, but it was that good. really fantastic. i'm so glad i went. n i took so many pics of her. tho i did end up taking a pic of someone's chest..but..its okay. i still took pics of corrine may. she's pretty! hahah..and talented! and then, some guy took pics of us taking pics of corrine may. haha..cool. of cux, i still think lump shld have shouted "corrine corrine" so tt i could take a nice pic of her face, but..nvm. hahaha..our plan to pretend to be her friends. hahaha...anyway, to those poor kids who missed her concert...YOU SUCKERS. you shld have went. really.

I'M FRIENDLESS IN MY TUTORIAL GROUP. DAMN IT.

well..since im free now and not too tired, i decided to talk abt orientation. haha..not that it was extremely fun, but it's not entirely stupid and useless either. i mean, i did meet the peeps. not that i know all of them, but hey, at least i manage to find some nice souls who r willing to hear me whine all day long. hahaha..okay. maybe its just tt they haven't spent enuf time with me yet to be irritated.

1st day gave me blisters. diana's shoes just killed my feet. killed them bigtime. they'r still rotting now, actually. haha..but the shoes r really nice. just another of those..pretty useless shoes..hahaha..thanks diana! as in, really thanks. for lending me the shoes so late at night. n i had to walk home bare-footed cox i really couldn't stand it.

2nd day did flag day. im not proud of this, but my tin wasn't even one-tenth filled. not that i didn't try. i did! but ppl just averted their gaze..looked at the ground and shunned us. or they just point at me and tell me tt they've already donated. no, i'm sorry, they shouted to tell me tt. i wonder why. well, luckily for me, i was with ppl whose tins weighed arnd mine. hahaha..

then it was some loser mardi gras crap which determined whether or not we get to buy 2nd hand books. and just as i expected, we were one of the last few to go in. so i decided to buy new books. oh..and i bought one 2nd hand book which was useless, and some ass decided tt i didn't pay for it, cox its not signed, and brought me to 2 other asses. and they made me stand there for such a long time, while the 3 morons tried to figure out wads wrong. was it tt i didn't pay? or was it tt i dun want to pay? yeah. they nv tot that they were at fault. tt they didn't record down and didn't sign. the idea of them screwing up and not being efficient NEVER EVER occured to them. so they had to piss me off till i ended up shouting at them. i didn't want to. but my emotions overpowered my senses. what the fuck is wrong with them anyway.

intro lect n beach bash. lect was pure bullshit, but it made me realise tt i better slp early frm now on, else i'll have a really difficult time struggling to stay awake. beach bash. well. not tt i took part in the games v enthusiatically, but it was quite fun, i guess. haha..the highlight was, obviously, the pretty boys segment. they'r draggies. and boy, are they skanky. goodness. so crude k. hahaha..but funny, nonetheless. oh well. think i shld change. time for me to change.

oh..and i realise tt a lot of ppl in law look lk sammi. only..maybe not a lot. just 2. but..in one fac, one small fac of 200 ppl, and 2 look lk sammi. who's d one with the common face man..and, angie! i'll try to help u spot some hairy legs k! haha..okay. gonna be late ltr..damn.

all i can hope for now is that a time warp will happen. my sci-fi fantasy will send me into may 2005 or maybe when i'm a lil kid in yr 1988, and let me stay there. i'll live my entire life in tt time warp. and since im so happy dreaming, i want kwan sang woo to be there too.

i don't want to start school. aft so many months of blisshood (a.k.a parasitehood), i'm proud to announce that i'm VERY addicted to a life like that. slp as and when i want. eat as and when i want. shop as and when i want. tt was wad my life wad abt for the past few months and really, that's wad life shld be abt, anyway. can't believe that i'm actually gg to start sch again. and of cux..wad's more unbelivable and irritating is the fact that after i felt so happy that i'm not gg to have lessons on fridays, i found an email from some professor telling me tt the professors all felt tt they shld spread our lessons thruout the week to lesson the workload, so.....i'm gg to have lessons on fris. i've no idea how having lessons on tues n fris instead of mons n thurs will lessen my workload..cox the lessons'll still be the same. just during a diff time. great deal of decreasing of workload it does. and of course, it doesn't help that even before sch started, i'm given assignments. yeah. BEFORE sch starts. quick. someone stabs me before i die frm making other stupid decisions. like, maybe to mug my life away once school starts. no wait, let me change that. to mug my life away BEFORE sch starts.

besides, i've to add that i was duped into orientation. yes. duped. cheated. stupid conniving asses (half quoted frm lump). of course, not that lump consoled me while i whined abt being cheated. but at least she made it funny. i was cheated. by the ppl whom i'm supposed to run to for help in case i meet some probs in sch. really ppl. kill me. just. let me die now. end my pain here. before i'm tortured in sch and end up morphing into a freakzoid with glasses thick enuf to fight with the textbooks who spouts some random sentence out of nowhere. i can feel the transformation happening already. oh.................

horroscope

horror-scope for saggis today.


Generosity and excess are a dangerous pair of qualities to tote around, and it takes a special kind of person to do it. Those are your burdens. For the most part, you're up for the challenge, and happy about it, too. Still, you really should ensure that everyone you're so very kind to appreciates what you're doing, and that they're not just taking you for granted. You should also take just a little while now to spoil yourself, simply because it's time.


how very apt.

maybe if i stay away from the com and the phone, i'll fade into darkness. maybe if i holed myself up, i'll be erased. maybe all i need is a clone. at least that can comfort me. i live. or rather, i lived.

im such a big softie. i actually cried reading d book. half-blood prince. yeah im sure. sob sob.

i think this harry potter is a lot better than the order of phoenix. tt was boring and naggy. this is exciting n tense. yeah. so wad if i only started reading this morn. woooo! can't wait to finish reading it. on a sidenote, glad tt i finally met my pri sch fren. haha..finally.

i'm sure those who read the sunday times yesterday would have seen the article on sg bloggers conference or wadever. and if you actually bothered paying attention to such silly things (like what i did), you'd have read abt the hunkiest blogger. some guy..who supposedly likes to live dangerously. and st's evidence of tt? he continues his blog despite his teacher wanting him to shut it down 1.5 yrs back due to some offensive remark or comment or wadever. oh yeah. how dangerous indeed. you mean if he didn't listen to his teacher and shut it down, he'll get expelled? or will he die from some curse tt his petty teacher tries to perform upon him? or will his guilt just swallow him up and cause him to commit suicide? so if continuing a blog despite certain narrow-minded idiots makes one lead a dangerous life, or so to quote, then i suppose sarong party girl is one heck of a dare-devil. well, afterall, half d nation's dissing her and insulting her and insisting tt she closes her blog or just comply to their wants, she still continues living in her own way. yeah, and all this big hoo-ha just because of a nation newspaper which insists on reporting on how her pics posted online are offensive. of cux, if half d nation consists of discerning readers and know how to laugh at things,this probably wouldn't happen. but no. half the nation decides tt the pics might lead to some kids getting addicted to pornography. half the nation feels that the pics reveals her decadent lifestyle, and in turn, reflect on how decadent singapore is. yeah. afterall, we decided tt d only reason why the no. of AIDS patients increased was due to the gay party. incidentally, that half of the nation just happens to be those who think that hugging and displaying affection in public is a big no-no. not the correct way to love? tell that to tom cruise and katie holmes. just cox you keep your affections in ur bedroom doesn't mean tt ppl are not spontaneous. moral bigots. go be a hermit and you won't be affected by all these.

maybe im just being paranoid. but you can't blame me for the lack of trust i've in you. you can't. cox i trusted you with all my life.

my cousin was reading a passage frm a Christianity-related book and praying while doing so today. he locked the room so that he could do so quietly and without distractions. all i did was to keep knocking (cox my phone was in tt room), and he had no choice, but to stop and let me in. i felt so guilty. i felt so bad. the weight in my heart was so heavy. probably cox i disrupted his quiet time with God, and i did so just because i want to. stupid aint it.

and it's prob because i never ever did the same thing for God. i know there really isn't a need for me to compare. but i felt bad all d same.

ugh. london won the bid to host the 2012 olympics. darn. i was rooting for paris.

and i don't understand why there's a campaign to eradicate poverty. it will stay. there is no way to remove it. it's harsh and it's only my opinion, but it is here to stay. you can try making life more bearable for ppl living in poverty-stricken places, but there is no way in trying to achieve the ideal world where poverty is history, or so to quote frm various stars. come on. it's a simple and realistic FACT. poverty will not disappear. it is here. and it always will be. it's only up to ppl as to whether or not they see it, and if they have enough compassion to help out. help to make life better. not to let poverty be history. grow up. stop living in a fantasy. poverty existed years ago. it existed way back in the 16th century. n it still exists in the 21st century. ppl say they'r trying to fight it and make it history, but all this talk only happen to reflect a sadder truth. the gap is widening. compare, say african kids dying frm malnuitrition cox they've no food, and lindsay lohan's disappearing frame cox she doesn't want to have food. sad, aint it?

i miss nana.

i miss stoning.

i miss bathing aft pe.

i miss sauntering arnd sch.

i miss sitting arnd aimlessly.

i miss falling aslp during lessons.

i miss lying on d bench just outside class.

i miss walking in the wrong direction after recess.

i miss saying hi to everyone i know when i'm lazing arnd.

i miss school life. surprisingly.

just a thought. those who try their very best not to judge, always end up being d ones judging. just that some don't spout it out.

the other top i got today. i think this is extremely nice. apple was saying if i'm not getting it, she'd get it. haha..nice! look at the lil buttons at the side. i think those lil buttons made it nice. ohhhh! and there's a huge hole at the back, but wadever. and and, i think it goes with my orange mango skirt. once i get it, i'll post the pic too..aft the sales. my orange mango skirt will be back on d shelves aft the sale. YAY!

ahhh..i got this top today frm mango. went with apple. hahahahaha...it's $19. imagine how happy i was. ahhh..nice nice..n it has rabbits on it. dun ask me why. i've no idea. it's just nice.

okay..this top isn't supposed to be so out of shape..but in order for me to hide the creases since the moment i came home, i just threw it arnd in my room, i stretched it too much while taking d pic..so it looks..a tad too round. oh anyway, i got this top for 70% off. beat tt.

then i got this bag! nice? haha..its so nice. i was contemplating whether or not i shld buy..then yeah..why shldn't i? so its with me now. ha!

ahh..the brown skirt i got in place of d orange skirt cox i couldn't see the orange skirt anywhere.

okay..the bright bright orange top i got frm mango..so it doesn't really look good there, but hey, its a nice top!

see! my mango skirt! isn't it nice?

for all those who didn't know tt there's a mango sale, it's on now. for 3 days. so i trooped down today, since it's d 1st day and i wanna get my mango skirt. boy. was it scary. i was trampled on in all 3 shops i went to. goodness. n i didn't find my orange mango skirt. damn it. it's not on sale i think. well, anyhow, i bought lk..a top, a skirt and a bag. and it was $108. then i went by fcuk. and there was a 90% off. so i went in, took a top, and got it for 70% off. wad a nice day. then i saw someone wearing my orange mango skirt. then my day was ruined. i want my mango skirt. ugh. anyway, i decided to withdraw frm d camp. it's $60, n i dun really happen to be in d mood to camp anyway. i'd rather go shop in town. hahahahahaha...

actually, i was quite lazy, and all i wanted to do abt today's interesting entry is to just go "go to beat's blog n read it!" then i'm gg to add d link and all..but..i'm in d mood to make some noise. tt's my forte,isn't it! haha..so here goes:

it's been a long long time since something interesting happened in my life. no, shopping and spending money isn't all tt interesting compared to wad happened today. my life was in danger! i could have been barbequed, roasted, cooked..but all i was..was smoked. and this happens when i was watching, in my opinion, one of the most boring show (i mean, yeah..it wasn't all tt boring afterall, and the stars looked REALLY GOOD. darn), which was mr n mrs smith! so..the show was going on..and i hate to say this, but i sound as if i was the only one in the ENTIRE cinema who was laughing. tt means tt i either laugh v loudly, or the rest don't laugh. well, except for this other guy whose comments were damn loud. but..yeah, who cares abt him. i digress. well, all of a sudden, 3 red lights started flashing out of nowhere. and i was quite irritated. beat was as well. and since at tt moment when the lights flashed ON US, the screen shown was how brad pitt n angelina jolie were trying to shoot each other with guns, so i thought tt the red lights were erm, part of the movie. haha..yeah. i know i'm dumb. don't snigger. at least i had beat for company in thinking tt. haha. well, then we started looking arnd and er, yeah. those were lights. just our luck. then the lights stopped flashing. and an woman came in, when the screen just went blank. lk..WTH! i paid $7 and i'm chased out?

well, a fire broke out in ps. cool eh! so, we went out (i was complaining abt how i missed d movie n was going "ehh..wad abt the movie?". apparently someone else said d same thing too..hah) and it was so smoky! i was trying to spot some flames, but i couldn't see them. well, it was smoky, and one escalator was closed, so EVERYONE was trying to squeeze down d nx escalator. man, imagine the crowd. so we decided to be smart and use the stairs. then it hit us tt we were on d 7th floor..and we realised tt we aint tt smart afterall. haha..then there was a floor with cracked windows. imagine how freaked out we were. and it didn't help that there was this couple in front of us who were walking so slowly. no, it's not tt they weren't afraid. it was cox the girl was in heels and couldn't walk properly so the guy had to hold her hands in case she faints, falls or ends up looking plain stupid. oh. did i mention tt there was a huge crowd behind them? n just cox the girl was frail and oh-so-fragile, everyone had to walk slowly too. so i decided to overtake them. i mean, i was in heels, and i could have fainted too cox of my asthma , and i had beat's hands to hold, but..wadever. so we walked down, and voila, the entire world was out there. gv informed us so late. if it was a huge fire, i'd really be some roasted pig.

well, anyway, this was darn cool k. i was part of the moment. if only i snapped a pic of it. if only i screamed a little with beat when we came out. if only i fainted and needed help. if only i stayed longer there after escaping. then i'd be on d news. and i'd have my one day of fame. ahhhh...all the things i'd do for fame. hahahaha...

i slept at 3 plus last night. or is it this morning. but i woke at 12. simply because some malay woman was screeching and shrieking to some karaoke tune at tt time for a malay wedding. n i slpt at 3 pm just now cox i was really tired..n at 4..she decided to shriek again. it's so irritating. so so irritating. i can't even stand ppl shrieking. let alone shrieking into a mike tt just amplifies the NOISE by probably a million times. n it obviously doesn't help tt she only shrieks into some stupid technology piece that increases the irritating factor when i'm sleeping. then for both times, i wake up, groan, shout and get up. then she shuts up, and pass the mike over. maybe she's just trying to stop me frm sleeping so tt i can sleep early tonight. or maybe she's jst a bloody moron who can't sing but tries to and i'm just unlucky enuf to fall aslp at tt time. oh man. unlucky me. i shld just trudge out of my hse and go down n find her n congratulate her on the impact of her singing. irritating. but impactful, no doubt. ugh. stupid.

don't be mistaken. i'm not agst malay weddings. no. i like the beating drums thingy. i mean..i can't spell it, so i won't risk looking like an idiot who can't spell. and in my...18 yrs plus..i've NEVER EVER heard ppl shrieking durin a malay wedding. no. probably cox those ppl had enuf sense not to let noise pollutants enter their wedding and destroy it and risk the wrath of the neighbours. come on. i didn't even hear such screeching during the malay trans wedding. goodness. u probably realise tt the only words i use to describe tt noise is screeching and shrieking. maybe my vocab's tt limited. and maybe, tt's all there is to her voice. bloody chicken.

okay..i just read a blog..haha..cox the link was given by jiehui. n of cux..most blogs have tags..n so i saw some tags at the blog laughing at the grp of girls who started it as being desperate and having nothing better to do. i hate to admit it. but they r. the prestige and reputation were just destroyed by them. well done. i never realised tt it was actually possible. but it is. for a grp of girls to make things turn for the worse. the very worst. well, let's just say i gladly drop all relations with and responsibilites for them. then d song "drop it like it's hot" comes in. yeah. drop it like it's hot. it's really hot. hot with shame and embarrassment. i'm feeling so sad for them. but what to do? they deserve it. they won't do well in their studies. n i hope they won't.

okay. im still quite undecided as to whether or not i shld go for law camp. it costs $50. and if i dun lk it, i can, according to lump, escape from camp. but tt means i've forfeited my $50. (fine. i sound so stingy now) BUT!! i can just use tt $50 to buy my nice mango skirt! see! my nice nice mango skirt! ughhhhhh...decisions decisions. they kill me. literally.

okay peeps..i just registered for law camp..! those who wanna find some lawyer husband..tell me k..then i'll try to find one tt suits u then intro..hahahah..aint i sweet?

my initial post was supposed to be abt how a break-up ruined someone. then, after chatting for a while, i think the main thing God wanted me to see, is how a family operates. almost every family works in d same way, i guess. at a certain age (lk er..secondary sch yrs), some kids will go ballistic. their bad attitudes, angst and perpetually grouchy looks are a result of their constant claims of 1. not being understood 2. stressed 3. loneliness..which means..its a result of hormonal changes. then their parents will end up pissing them off every single day. the dad will get pissed off too and start complaining to the mom. then the mom will still strive on, trying to talk to the kid, only to end up injured once and again. and who knows what the kid is thinking abt the mom. stupid? naggy? and yet, the mom keeps moving on. of cux, the kid will probably be crying while hiding in their rooms or smothering themselves with their pillows. oh well. luckily some kids have sibs who try to help them bridge the gap btw them and their parents. some kids don't. i hope those kids manage to think for themselves. tho most can't. ahhhh...some kids are really blessed..

i just read the papers, and there was this article that caught my attention. it's abt how the british schools will not be grouping their students according to age anymore, but will group them according to their abilities. this is done so, because they feel that this will allow the brighter students to soar, and weaker students to be able to keep up. the only flaw in this plan is that this is plain discrimination. students who have to repeat the course many many times might actually be ashamed of themselves. why destroy their pride? why destroy their confidence? why destroy them just to get results? groupin them according to ability would mean tt some will get retained. and the retainees? what do they do? study hard? smile cox they'r given a second chance? what abt them feeling useless, worthless and lonely? isn't this harsh and cruel? they might not want to study anymore, cox..they might see themselves as not being good enuf. the ideal aim of getting better results (smarter students get smarter, weaker students catching up) is often marred by factual happenings. no one lks to be left behind. no one lks to be pointed out as weaker. no one lks to be alone. how can they destroy ppl just to improve the institution or the country? ridiculous. oh..did i mention that this is the singapore's education system? yeah. no one better read this and send to some minister or wadever n get me jailed.

i think i just pissed someone off. because i said no. i feel bad, i do. but i actually do feel good as well. such an irony, isn't it? i feel as if i'm finally living for myself. i know, this is trivial n stuff, but hey, i'm not making decisions based on how others feel, but what i think. that's a 1st. maybe some ppl think that i've always been doing so. that i've always been that much of a bitch, doing what I want not NEVER what others want. let me correct that. every decision i make, i consider many things. haha..yeah. i do. oh well. i feel good! tho lump n i decided to sleep off our gym date. it's okay, lump! there'r lots of opportunities! ahhh..the exhilaration of living for yourself. feels darn good.

okay. just gotta say this. i bought 4 new pairs of shoes within a week. haha..yeah!
and i've to let you know that it is damn painful to brush ur teeth when you have ulcer. okay..so i think its painful to brush my teeth when i've ulcer. i wince everytime i brush them. poor me. ugh. painful painful. extremely painful.

i'm happy. i'm v happy. cox my fren decided to sms me. i miss her so much. i really do. i miss you, kershia. i hope you see this. and i mean it.

yeah..then i went back to my old blog to check out the tagboard. hahahah...so i'm linking diana and laureen. but 1st, i've to figure out how to. and then, because dearest izzy decided to name the links "izzy's insights" "lump's laments" and "fun's furore", i've to think up of more words for diana's (blank) and laureen's (blank). yeah..well, to laureen, "laureen's life" isn't a shoddy decision k. i had to think thru carefully and discussed with lionel, before we decided tt life is short and sweet. cox blogs consists of laments, insights, complaints and all, but a blog is abt ur life. so..short, sweet and straight to the point! so i think i spent abt half an hr, trying to find a nice word for both laur n monkey. hey monkey/diana..u know who u r? maybe i shld change the link to "monkey's madness". okay..shall do tt. hahaha...anyway, urs was supposed to be "diana's deplore".

i wanted to type an entry on some topic..but i forgot..so..well..yeah..oh and lump, i dunno if i shld thank you for eating and shopping compulsively. cox it's not really a good thing. throw in more half-hearted promises to visit the gym weekly (which ALWAYS, i dunno why, get broken) then we get our life together. totally decadent. totally.

okay..i just accepted law..ugh! i'm so scared. the moment tt defines my future has just passed. ugh!

when reading blogs, i realise tt i only read short entries and long entries with large fonts. long entries with tiny fonts are always either totally missed or read vaguely. this is probably cause those entries don't really interest me. i mean, imagine reading this long paragraph tt spans the entire page with the author whining abt every single part of her draggy day and not leaving out a single detail. you might find it interesting if you are 1. her stalker, 2. herself, 3. extremely bored and in need of reading lousy things tt don't matter to you.

either that, or i'm just unwilling to read the blog properly, cos i don't want to slow down and grab every single detail tt is meted out. if it's the latter, and sometimes, i suspect it is, then i'm in trouble. haha. well, at least that's my opinion. that means i'm moving too fast. and it isn't good to move too fast, even if this society speeds past you. the politics that are changing hands so quickly. imagine, one day, china's angry at japan for snubbing them. the nx day, japan's being snubbed by them. maybe that's y lump's dentist (elliot) told her that her lawyer friends all ended up opening sandwich bars. the world is just changing too fast.

it's so difficult to keep up. it's so difficult to just stick to your present skills and be satisfied. maybe that is why ppl are always moving on frantically. moving on in order to find a new set of skills, new knowledge and new information that will help them now or in the future. no looking back to reflect, only forward to create. maybe that is why i'm speeding now. because i don't want to be left behind. if you were a little girl, would you rather be walking behind your parents in a mall and fear being left alone, or be the one stomping arnd in front of them to make sure that they'r always behind you and are with you? it's not abt winning others, it's more like fearing to be eliminated. maybe that was why the lawyers went to open sandwich bars. cos if they remained, they know that one day, they might be rendered useless. so, might as well ditch them before they ditch you, right? the speed in life cuts you from everyone, doesn't it? i mean, speed's even stopping me from reading abt a long day in someone's life, let alone hearing it from them. if i don't even want to read, and it can be done in 5 mins, how could i ever EVER sit down and listen?

read this book which lump lent me, i forgot the title already, but it spoke about how some people HAVE to move fast. which means, they have to fill their lives with activities to make them feel wanted, and important. they would rather not sleep and clog their days with every single job that is available just to prove that they're not obsolete. and then, they neglect their family and friends. and they forget abt the love that is present. they forget to love, and to recieve love. they forget one important message from the Bible. which is to love. they forget to live in Jesus' name. that is why i'm trying so hard not to be busy, or act lk i'm busy. i'm trying to get to my friends again. i miss them.

by the way, i concluded that next time, i don't want people reading my entries, i'll make my entries long with super tiny font. just like the one i just typed.

i love izzy!

i'm so thankful for izzy..hahh..really thankful for her..this new blog is built by her. yes, definitely not me. i'm a complete idiot. i don't even know how to select and look for blogskins. ugh. haha..yeah..thank God i have a bunch of ppl arnd me who are well-versed in it and are willing to help me. yay! new blog! new life! new entries! kudos to you, izzy! woo-hoo! i love you!

change change

new one..testing!