you're keeping me up.

im obviously not over it.

sorry.

i guess after facing up to it and admitting it, it's much more easier to get over it.

and sorry for all tt outburst.
im just being an irritating bitch.
so maybe, this calls for the shutting down of this random outlet.

fucking friendless.

right now, i have 60 online souls on my msn.
and none i can call to cry to.

i need

someone who feels and cares for me. someone to actually stand up for me. someone who understands what exactly is going through my mind and is concerned enough to march up to me, make me talk and make me cry. all i need is a friend. a friend who cares. i admit that the absence of such extreme act is my fault. i don't talk to people when im sad. and no one is psychic anyway. who, on this earth, will have an inkling about when i go all moody and emo? if that person exists, i shall marry that person immediately. regardless of gender. besides, i probably give the impression that i'm fierce, independent and utterly unbreakable, and to make things worse, i pobably encourage that mindset. i refuse to appear vulnerable nor fragile. i do not cry in front of people, and keep mum about whats bothering me. i built up this wall sub-consciously and now i realised that i have absolutely no idea how to break out of it. so, my blog is sad. i sound all depressed and melancholic. and i do not have an explanation as to why im so sad. i know why i am, but i highly doubt i'll be telling anyone soon. maybe, sub-consciously, im telling myself to be sad. who knows.

fun fact of the day!

do you know!!!!!

that malaysia has a king?

i bet you didnt!

death is spelt a,t,c,g. and b-i-o-l-o-g-y.

but its okay.
the world is saved cos the cute guy came back into my life.
he dropped law, gov and devt in asia.
to take up ocean law.
HAHAHA.
life.
this is yuan fen.

bye bye mabel leong.
please please come back in one piece.

i think

d cute guy dropped the module.
EEEE.
=(

i think you're stupid.

i know im a moron.

self-evaluation.

in line w xw's entry abt sitting down and analysing yourself, i conclude that one needs tons and tons of patience when dealing w me.

i wanted to explain why, but i realised that i shldn't insult myself in this manner. cos the 1st line tt i typed revealed just how bratty and unreasonable i am. damn.

but yeah, i really honestly think that i wont be able to stand myself if i meet myself. life.

BUT I LOVE ME.
i just dont love meeting me.
someone lk me better not exist.

donuts.

i never lked donuts.
now im a convert.
i really really really really wanna eat donuts.

biotech law.

why the hell am i taking biotech law, when my 2 yrs in jc were wholly dedicated to literature, and the 2 yrs i took science in cedar, i was doing physics and chemistry?

i no know bio.

i know death.

this is the polaroid shot we took at clar's party! we went down (well, at least, i, angie, roy, apple and izzy) damn late..lk, when the party was ending. hahahahaha...but as roy put it, it's our culture.

anyhow, this is a damn nice shot. even w angie's mouth open. HAHAHAHAH.

i adopted this shot, so its mine! HA!

there was another one, where i zhao keng-ed, so i left it behind. eeks.

equations.

i think happy people are actually lonely and sad, but happy on the surface.
- from eric's blog.

i agree w eric. happy people are usually putting up a front.
but if this is so, doesn't that mean that most are sad?

sad ppl put up a front to be happy, but happy ppl won't pretend that they are sad.

so, minus those ppl who are really happy happy, which i'd say may be 10% of the whole world, that would mean that 90% of the world (whether or not they look happy) are sad souls.

life.
can be so much better.
so so so much better.

harsh reality.

ive had harsh words thrown my way. really harsh ones. maybe i wanted to read those words as a glimmer of hope, but it's abt time i stop fooling myself. the words tell me that i'm stupid and need to stop. it could be read of cos, that i shld really go try.

but i can't. because i know you. i know who i am. and i know you.

beatrice fendi wong!

this is beat!

cute ang moh

i love this cute ang moh in law, gov n devt class.

and hes not cute cos of his accent. hes just cute. swoon.

great sem to come.

im in class. and am falling aslp.

i couldn't slp last night and my head is hurting. it doesn't help that my fantastic day is gg to end at 930 pm.

the bus i took broke down today. so i went down the bus. and the freaking bus DROVE off. freak man.

wad a fantastic way to start the sem. so much for being hardworking.

by the way, this class has a cute brit who has a cute accent. the brit is only cute cos of the accent.

and i spoke to china ppl. i power.

I DESTROYED THE WASHING MACHINE AT HOME.

i better be able to slp by 10 pm tonight. else im gg to kill ppl on monday.

a geek.

AND PROUD OF IT.

random.

maybe you moved on, so i should move on too.

and yeah, i guess i really do not deserve to be sad.

im a bitch. forgive me.

i really cant stand this shit again. the ppl who irritate the hell out of me need to disappear. but they wont. not anytime soon, anyway.

i shall go and hide myself for a week.

by the way, i really really dislk how i measure things. but i can't stop. and i think its accurate. maybe thats why i dun lk it.

pizzzzza.

the pizzas in aussie are fantastic larrrrrrrrr. seriously damn good. i love their pizzas. pizza hut needs to do something man.

the 2 pizzas were from kookabara (i dunno how to spell, but its d lil bird. u know..the one abt how its sitting on the old gum tree, merry merry king of the bush is he..) cafe.

by the way, we kept singing this song after that. we, meaning mel n i.



this is the spicy ham and banana pizza.

sounds a bit off, but i assure you, its d best pizza i've ever ever had.






and, since i wanted to be adventurous with food, and i was NOT gg to order kangaroo filet as entree, i got this: potato and lamb pizza.

which was damn good.

by the way, both pizzas prob had better names. i just can't rem them.


boo. now im hungry, and craving.

boat ride

well, this is us on the boat ride. its their river taxi. as in, really river taxi. ppl travel from one stop to another; and we just took one round trip and froze to death outside.

you can see us cuddling, posing, eyeing each other and seeking warmth (i was not crying. i just needed warmth.) and the pretty pair of shoes that mel lent me after i brought the beach home in my pumps (refer to previous post). pretty right! but they were too big for me!

and this is the pretty view from the ride. which is obviously different from what you get in sg. the pics aren't big, but i doubt u care anyway. and, at least u see the change in skylines and sky colour. and, ive no idea why i put the pic of mel n sam in the collage as well, but hey, i survived them, and viceversa. kudos to us all.

this is us when we trooped to the glow worm farm. but er, dont expect any pics of glow worms. hahahahaha...we only took pics beyond d wine cellar. which, by the way, sells terrific wine that is oh-so-sweet.

i cant believe im crying cos of you.
i cant believe how small i feel.

news.

i am so selfish.
i read the news, and the happenings arnd the world only when my world is crumbling.

i could pretend that reading the news, abt how a woman had an operation to get a pencil out of her head; how the south asian floods are receding but fears remain; and how 19 iraqi children just died, remind me constantly that what i face aren't nearly as fatal nor threatening as someone else in another part of the world. that my problems are miniscule.

but that would be lying.
n i need to stop lying to myself.

cos tonight, i read the news just so that i could escape from my life.

dont read.

i dunno how i manage to feel so small, insignificant and pathetic so frequently. i have no idea why i feel this way. okay, maybe i do, but i do not understand why there's so much difference. i cannot, for the life of me, figure out what is wrong with me. why is it that something, that can make me so happy. end up destroying my last bit of confidence and joy? how is it possible for such extremes to exist in my life?

so what do i do now? i've tried so many ways. i've tried so many times. and each time, i fail and get more entangled. for every single time i lie to myself, i killed my last bit of dignity. i've no idea how much more dignity there is for me to destroy.

so each time i grow silent on you, forgive me. i'm just wondering what's next.

important.

Q. Does cracking your knuckles cause damage or arthritis?

A. The idea that knuckle cracking promotes arthritis was brought to you by the same old wives who warned that eyes can stay crossed and palms can grow hairy. No, there is no evidence that cracking your knuckles causes arthritis.

When you bend or pull your fingers, you stretch the lubricant between joints called synovial fluid. In a process known as “cavitation,” bubbles form in the fluid and then burst. There is some relief and increased mobility when the bubbles make that satisfying pop, which helps explain the compulsion to do it again.

Damage other than arthritis is possible but unconfirmed. You could overextend the ligaments, like a baseball pitcher with a bad elbow, and you may lose some grip strength. Other than that, the biggest threat is from the people you are driving insane.

from msn.

mabel's grandma/randomancestor

-censored-

or at least, both rich n i think so.

ehh mabel leong! look lk u right!

given how mabel leong objected to d prev pic, heres another pic.

cooking.

i've this bad bad bad bad feeling..
that i really honestly cannot cook at all.

my 1st foray into making soup is a total flop.
OH WELL!

insomnia.

on days/nights/dawns when i realised that the longer i lie on my bed, the more awake i get,

i do NOT need to be reminded that my body clock is screwed.
yet again.

thanks.
but no thanks.

i so feel lk cancelling every single thing that is on today.

sigh.