im a liar.

i lie. i made use of one problem to cover up for another issue. i am so despicable, low-down and pathetic. i think i need to run away again. and i realised that countries wont work anymore. because what is on my mind stays on my mind even if im away. and i'll just want to come back. only to want to leave again. and i don't think i can stand that kind of life. so i think i shld go far far far away. far far far away is open to interpretation. i dont think i want to talk to you, and i realised that you dont want to talk to me either. that thought went thru my mind once, and killed me. this thought came back today, and i guess, i can't say it didnt kill me but i think i've accepted the deadend we've arrived at. it is my fault, really. no, i dont mean that. i dont think i shld be blamed wholly, but i accept that it is my fault. you prob dont care and dont read, anyway. i think i'm gg to die from disappointment and this lacklustre life that cannot withstand the dashes of hopes and letdowns of expectations is eating away every single bit of me. it gnaws. and i feel the pain. but the pain keeps me alive. for now, at least. i'm trapped in every single vicious cycle imaginable, and i'm gg to lose my mind soon. one day, i'm gg to disappear. one day. i cannot wait for that day to come. things that dont happen stay in my mind. things that you dont do rips me apart.

i am shutting this blog down. im not lying abt this.