tanwanjing says (00:31):
no im fine.

tanwanjing says (00:31):
i just think that i suck

little superhero girl. says (00:32):
u dun lar!

little superhero girl. says (00:32):
u are the mighty fren who's willing to be my sppting cast in my lowest times! hahah


iloveyoumabelleong.

do you know what they say?
do you know how you feel?
do you know..me?
my words?
my thoughts?
my feelings?
my emotions?
my hopes?
my fears?
my desires?
my lies?
me?

in recognition of the "lil ms" series craze..
i introduce
little miss deluded.

its actually quite pathetic how i try and endear myself to my delusion.
and it is extremely unsettling how even tho i identify the delusion, i cannot get out of the shithole.

in any case, the little miss deluded would be smiling and crying at the same time.
and to those who realised how fucking stupid i am,
i am damn sorry.
i already told you that i am fucking stupid.

i watched paris jet'aime.
i think its apt how it ended with a lonely woman, who found herself and ended with her loving paris.
yet, like how kalyn said, that was not abt loving herself.
that was abt loving a country.
so if i shall become a director, i shall have a movie abt loving yourself.

loving yourself sounds selfish.
lk u'r the centre of the world.
lk u'r the only important soul arnd.
lk u'r all that matters.

but...it is true.
to some extent, anyway.
nothing good happens if you don't love yourself.

excuse me while i convince myself to start loving myself.

theoretically, you're supposed to have a soft spot in my heart.

but because i am such a vicious and petty person..
im denying you your soft spot.

so, off you go.

let's talk abt trust.

how many ppl do you trust?

you certainly don't trust that guy who was beside you this morning.
the one who was just a bit too close to you.

you definitely don't trust that random middle-aged man of any race.
sitting by the curb.
looking at you as you walk.

you can't say you trust your neighbour.
even though you say hi,auntie every time u bumped into her.

then think!
do u trust ur frens?
do you trust the person you lunch with?
do you trust the person who you labelled "best friend"?
do you tell that person everything on your mind and feel relieved & happy after each conversation?
do you trust anyone?

i think its fascinatingly stunning when people go "I TRUST".
because in this world, the norm is not to trust.
don't trust that man with the big black bag because it could be a bomb.
don't trust that man with the nice red car and lollipop because hes a stranger.
don't trust the karang guni man because he'll kidnap you.
don't trust the policeman because when you cry, he'll scold you.
who trusts?

but, who can live without trusting anyone?

i wanted to go on talking abt the stupid law's version of trust.
but i realised i know shit abt it to talk abt it.
HAHAHA.
so yah.
no more no more.

so what if im not a girly girl?
so what if i can't prance around n look pretty?
so what if i don't dress up?
so what if i don't wear make up?

does that make me less of a girl?
or more of a guy?
or less of a human?
or more of an alien?

the equity tut must really be damn boring..
till i actually got inspired for a blog post by spying on some random nick on msn.
LIFE.

in any case, i love who i am.
so fuck off if u dun lk.

so what if im not a girly girl?
so what if i can't prance around n look pretty?
so what if i don't dress up?
so what if i don't wear make up?

does that make me less of a girl?
or more of a guy?
or less of a human?
or more of an alien?

the equity tut must really be damn boring..
till i actually got inspired for a blog post by spying on some random nick on msn.
LIFE.

in any case, i love who i am.
so fuck off if u dun lk.

i smile.
with a downcast face.

i skip.
with heavy feet.

i swear shopping is the BEST thing to ever happen today.

then i had to have ppl who decided to care abt me, to prove me wrong.

so i love you, mabel leong! and my dearrr old twin.

lurve.

bye bye.

the weather complements my mood for the night.

i hate the sinking feeling.

yesterday, i was told to obtain some "interesting" pics for ***** ***** in order to prove the "deepdeepmuchmuch" (or something lk that) kinda love i had.
[by the way, i asked. n was rejected. so its not that i don't love you. its just that the person was too vicious.]

so i guess everyone needs to know of some certainty and evidence (okay. this sounds damn cold. but yah, evidence) of something intangible called love.

and lk some random maroon 5 song, saying i love you has nothing to do with meaning it.

could a hug do the trick?
or must one present some diamond ring?

would a smile and a pat suffice?
or must there be a truckload of goodies?

how tangible must the facts be in order for one to conclude convincingly (to him/herself) about the intangible aspects?

what if that person is d world's most unexpressive person?
or if he/she happens to introverted?
or shy?
or just unable to open up to anyone?

what if that person is too poor to shower u with gifts?
or too busy?
or too burdened?
would that be construed as unwillingness?
or nonchalance?

i think i need some random chick flick to feel warm n fuzzy again.
chick flicks are my newest addiction.
short (unlike korean dramas) and fuzzy-feeling.

im beginning to think that a person will spend his/her life questioning.
and never finding a proper answer.
or maybe im just too young to be sure.
ahhh
the follies of youth.

im in sch for lect. this moment is of such rarity that i think i deserve some random celebration for this achievement.
i need more than a pau.
i need sushi buffet.

in any case, i really like the morning and its smell.
well, i enjoyed it.
provided that i've had enough slp.
i don't usually wake up in time to enjoy the morning.

and i suddenly rem this phrase where "a cynic is all but a disappointed idealist" (or something to that extent)
and i realised that everyone has this notion of a fairy tale.
i think its all that korean drama. not disney.

and i realised that my life has been nothing lk a korean drama.
im more of a cinderella.
cept that shes supposedly pretty.
but its okay!
at least ive small feet!
HAHAHA! wad a consolation.

okay. i shall eat my chicken pau n try to pay attn.
ta~
-9.06am-

mabel leong!
rem the time when ur nick was "what if the world fails to conspire?"
in reply to the alchemist's theory of how when someone really wants something, the world will conspire.

GUESS WAD!
i came up with my very own theory.
it might not be wad everyone subscribes to..
but..well..its MY theory.
here goes..

the world conspires...
only in order to show life's irony.
everything will happen..
just to reveal life's wicked way of handing out cards.
cruel huh.

im in sch for lect.
this moment is of such rarity that i think i deserve some random celebration for this achievement.
i need more than a pau.
i need sushi buffet.

in any case, i really like the morning and its smell.
well, i enjoy it.
provided that i've had enough slp.
i don't usually wake up in time to enjoy the morning.

and i suddenly rem this phrase where "a cynic is all but a disappointed idealist" (or something to that extent)
and i realised that everyone has this notion of a fairy tale. i think its all that korean drama. not disney.
and i realised that my life has been nothing lk a korean drama.
im more of a cinderella.
cept that shes supposedly pretty.
but its okay!
at least ive small feet!
HAHAHA! wad a consolation.

okay. i shall eat my chicken pau n try to pay attn.
ta~

im gg to put a fullstop to everything!

the point when..

a shopping experience turns into an obsessive trip.

a want morphs into a need.

a paradise transforms into consumerism hell.

the point is this pair of shoes:

Guess' Carrie 2.

$145.90

MY NEW OBJECT OF DESIRE.

THE REASON FOR SURVIVAL.

it's overtaking my sensibilities.

i love southpark's interpretation of raging hormones.

hahahaha.

they let 9 yr old lil boys turn into apes.

just cos one lil girl has boobs.

ahhhhh..
raging hormoness.

and southpark reveals that such.....primal instincts stick w males for life.

hahaha.

such insight.

i am fucking stupid.

yays!

new skin!

it reminds me of lin and her lil drawing of peas in a pod!

im 20.

but at times, i feel lk im a grand total of 60.

i don't lk what i know.

i don't lk how i feel.

i don't lk what i don't know.

i hate sounding lk some emo shit.

i think..

i really really..

wanna move into..

my very own lil hole now.

or hide with a few glasses of martinis.