hello, all...meet my best fren! he's called sammi. [don't ask me why. i just like it that way]

anyhow, i've been entrusted with the task to promote him.. he wants some rich law girl who can
1) protect him in future [i don't know if he plans to rape, or be raped] and
2) let him live off in future.
actually, i think the protecting part is inconsequential. i think he just needs a girl whom he can live off.. SO TAKE NOTE.

he's a very nice person! [yes, lump. i see the disbelief on ur face. he's only mean to you cos you...remind him of himself! HAHAHAHA. okay. maybe not.]

he'll deliver tau huey and rumraisin when you'r bonkers!
really. trust me. then again, maybe it depends on the level of insanity you are at.
and the nicest part is..he'll hide the rumraisin then pop it in ur face.
you'll get nice chocos frm him too! [but i guess if you don't like choc, he won't]

he'll let you whine n bitch to him.
some ppl just aren't nice to whine to. they cut you short and tell you to face reality.
but this one will let you go on n on. n sometimes, even encourage you. quite amazing lar. [i mean..seriously..i think he's pretty well-trained if he can stand me. okay, maybe not trained. pretty...capable?]

he'll entertain you.
or your maybe sudden decisions to go visit the zoo, aka primate garden & random friends, and night safari with the slogan "spot the non-existent animals in the dark." [i don't know if he'll go to the bird park. i nv had the slightest desire to pop by that wretched place.]
and he'll entertain you while he's in there too. like the kid you see in the pic! as in..behaving lk the kid..

he'll bring you to beaches!
even if you request it in d middle of d night.
it doesn't really matter that a bit of emo blackmail was used.
what counts is the fact tt he'll bring you to beaches at night! [see this, mabel leong! grab him!]

he'll bring you to far ends of the island. [that's really all he can bring you lar, he doesn't fly a plane. he can only drive a car. wad a downer!]
far ends that include ikea, changi airport, and maybe randomly, tuas when he wanna dump you somewhere just cos you tell him that you don't lk his............school. [all that brother-brother nonsense. they'r all gays, i tell you.]
oh oh oh..he might pop by vivo tooooo.

he'll let you bully him. [i don't really like the word bully, but......... FINE! sammi. look at this n smirk]
in his own words, im d only one doing the scolding in this friendship. and he won't harbour ill feelings over it,i think. [you better don't, samuel tan.]
but he'll keep harping abt how fierce you are, and nv fail to remind you that he's abused, and oh-so-saintly-and-noble to be able to tahan you. [he abuses me emotionally]

if you think that life is fair, think again.
he's got damn nice legs. [which, i'm sad to report, are currently being destroyed by his bro. so i might need to do an update and edit this bit]
he's got the metabolism rate every girl would die for. [or at least i would. im pretending that theres no snake in him.]

but if you think God is unfair, think again!
i don't know what to do with his...........brains sometimes.

he tells you he'll buy a huge dog and train it to pounce on you.

he looks at your arms when you talk abt fats. [THIS ISN'T NICE AT ALL LAR.]

he agrees wholeheartedly and happily when you voice out your thoughts abt you being a moron. [i take back everything i said on how he's really nice.]

aiyahhhh d list goes on lar. but i think this bloody post is the longest i've EVERRRRRRRRR blogged. my goodness. just fer you, sammi.

and to clear all doubts, my best fren is actually older than 7. or wadever age that lil kid was when the pic was taken. [he was so cute. sooooo cute.] i aint no deluded pedo lar. kids can't drive nor stay up late.

here's the best fren now:

quite smart ah! i told you God's fair.

anyhow...

to sammi: you can pretend you read this on ur bday k! happpppy birthday!

oh oh! he wanted me to add this in. "even tho my best fren hates horror show, he woke up at 10 am, despite slping at 6 am, to eat macs breakfast with me, then caught final call, which is a dumb horror show, with me" [okay, i admit. i embellished the statement. but only a tad!]
AND HIS IC GOT CHECKED FOR A NC-16 SHOW!

you're very very much appreciated, sammi!
don't die before me k!