kaka

this man is so worth my struggle to stay awake during work tmr..

swoon swoon.

idontfuckingknowwhatskeepingmeup.

the unexplainable.

so many things have no rationale, no reason, no explanation.

lk the disappointment that is welling up inside of me.

of epiphany.

we cry cos we were hurt.
we cry cos someone betrayed us.
we cry cos of the pain inflicted upon us.
we cry cos we were accused, maligned, cheated, misunderstood.....
we cry for us.

but i cry for you.
because what you do goes unrecognised.
because you are misunderstood.
because you are dear.

tell me...

how much must you like someone before that becomes love?

must it be reciprocated?
must it be forever?
must it be without expectations?

is there even love to begin with?

conversation.

me (to myself): i need a credit card.
bro: to buy the air tickets?
me: no? to shop online.
bro: WHAT! AND TO THINK I THOUGHT U WANTED TO BUY AIR TICKETS?! JUST TO SHOP ONLINE? *&^%$#

his reaction is too big mannnn.
and i really need a credit card to shop.
or maybe i shld just dig out someone's number (which i think is kept in msn history logs) to purchase those damn goods.

newspaper

i think its best not to read the newspapers.

it gives me depression each time i read it.

comments

im thoroughly convinced that having a compulsory module to have students learn abt patriotism and force them to love the country is the exact way to make the students hate the country (well, not that extreme, but u get wad i mean) for attempting to brainwash them. so japan, learn from...other countries.

learn that if you realise your citizens are smart enough,they'll realise the merits and advantages of your country instead of you having to brainwash them into soulless lil robots.

in any case, everytime i read the newspaper, i wanna comment on so many things.

lk early NS enlistment. for troubled kids? go NS? hello. i know army means discipline, but for troubled kids who do not even have a 'O' level cert, they are def gonna be doing nth in there, and then theres all that stupid hooligans/punks/morons who bring other morons to geylang and all that junk. and the troubled kids are probably that impressionable to get into trouble to begin with anyway, so whats not to stop them from having other vices.
so NO NO tapping in others' wireless. but YES to potential vices like prosituting and getting AIDS.

okay, its too early in the morning.
i need to rest.

=(

i feel lk kenny's dad.

and for everyone's sake (esp mine),
i hope no one figures out what that means.

shrug.

and what am i supposed to do?
why do i always manage to get myself into situations where im fucking stuck right in the middle?
im sorry the world operates like that.
im glad the Earth is dying.

austral-ass-ia.

im getting all angsty and troubled at this time of the night when i shld be settling down for bed.
pui.

i think i've had too much influx abt australia already.
im getting all pissed and irritated abt it.

i conclude...

... that my colleagues are really fun ppl. altho they're old (but not really that old), they are so much fun to be around. not in the crazy kinda way, but the chirpy kinda way. well, i guess its a good thing to be in a small department, cos everyone knows everyone else. it's quite a jolly thing to go to work, actually. surprisingly. i mean, i konw i whine a lot abt gg to work. its actually the fact that im not slping that is irritating. otherwise, im quite okay. im even happy trooping arnd in d morning. i just need to slp when i want to. and it obv doesn't help that i don't slp properly at night. ugh.

... that my family's quite fantastic. prob a bit different from others. okay, definitely different from your ideal, perfect family, but im happy (sometimes). different or dysfunctional. i choose different today. im in quite a good mood. heh. and i love the extended family too. not that they are perfect, again. but, they are so heart-warming. most of them, anyway. some shld just go roll into their lil corners n pretend that they don't exist.

... that my life isn't that bad. except that i wanna eat at astons now. i need a piece of meat to chomp on. and i wanna eat some nice, frothy cake. and i want ice cream. and bubble tea. and fish soup. and bak chor mee. and hokkien mee (this is angie's fault). and char kway teow.

... that my brisbane plan is finally finally falling into place. and i just had this fantastically hilarious blooper abt something. hahahahahaha... its okay! life's still good! its okay. i shall ignore that stupid bit of me. its not lk im d only one who thought that way ANYWAYYYYYY.

... that i wanna buy shoes. and dresses. and bags. and tops. and pants. and shorts. and maybe an entirely new wardrobe.

... that i just want to be able to slp well tonight.

i shall go make a call now!

inspirations

right now, i really feel like cooking. altho, i've never cooked in my entire life except for random bowls of maggi mee and frying eggs (WHICH I HAPPEN TO BE DAMN PROUD OF). in any case, angie's excitement for EVERY single meal she prepares is rubbing off me. her excitement usually makes me hungry. but tonight, i feel so domesticated. i actually feel like cooking as well. woooo! exciting. i shall dedicate one day to cooking after i leave the wretched place that has this impression that aircon is free. seriously, i wear 3 layers to work, and still feel damn cold. wth.

and i like the little observations i have in my daily conversations/communication/whatever. well, i like some of them anyway. not all, since some will def irk me. but hey, some make me smile. a bit too widely, but they really do make me smile. it's quite a funny thing, isn't it. to smile at a memory. if the memory is good, and the present is good, then all's good. but if the memory is superb, and the present is lk shit, then....well....common sense says that at this time, there will be sighs and tears and what-nots.

the hours i spent at work (tho admittedly better than some individuals. most individuals) gave me a chance to reflect. maybe it's the silence, or random bouts of it, that made me write. well, it'd not a bad way to start writing again. on notepads. maybe i shldn't have stopped then. maybe. but yah, hmmm. maybe i really have too much time. so much time that i spend the bulk of it thinking abt stupid random things and write them down. okay. they aren't stupid and random. they happen to be damn impt. oh well.

i sincerely hope no one bothered to read this post due to its length. cos this is one stupid post. i wanted to say that its different frm wad i'd normally say. my usual front. but then again, i don't know why people like to categorise someone else so much. look at the headlines "IN PRIVATE: FAMILY MAN; IN PUBLIC:RUTHLESS KILLER". seriously, there are so many facets to someone that it is bloody irritating for the paper to imply that WOAHHHH SURPRISE SURPRISE! SOMEONE IN THIS WORLD ACTUALLY HAS 2 SIDES TO HIM. why do u think we'r 3d and not 2d anyway. wth. why can't someone be a doting daddy and be laundering money? maybe hes laundering money cos hes a doting dad.

im getting all angsty and incoherent. pui.

my new love.

behold my love!
he is the one who makes me smile.
he is the one who cheers me up.
he is the one who brightens up my office.
he is the one who resides in my heart.
woo hooo.
lurve!

and im so blardy underpaid.

don't read this.

i've a thousand n one issues right now.

what is the fucking point of having many buses of the same service travelling with one another? does a bus need a companion too? do bus drivers have lk...walkie-talkies to communicate w the nx bus driver? is that why shy and reserved bus drivers have to drive together even tho they'r supp to be serving the SAME crowd at DIFFERENT times? lk hello? don't u ever fucking realise that ppl hate to wait when its so fucking hot and when they'r hungry? are u scared driving the bus alone? are u afraid cos u've so many lives in ur hands?

andddd. it is bloody obvious that the courtesy campaign in singapore failed terribly. seriously. i think it makes PERFECT sense that if you're gonna take public transport, the least you can do is to make sure u don't stink. i don't even ask for you to smell good. just don't fucking stink up the entire bus when its at its most congested. leave ur coconut oil and/or dirty clothes behind. invest in a deodorent. they are unbelievably cheap. bathe properly. bathe frequently. no one else needs to sniff ur musky smell. u don't have to mark ur territory with ur stench. if need be, TAKE A FUCKING TAXI. SUBJECTING ONE POOR SOUL TO THAT ODOUR IS SO MUCH MORE CONSIDERATE THAN LETTING AN ENTIRE BUS FULL OF PASSENGERS WINCE. fuck. i hate smelly people.

and how the hell am i gg to find a fren who will fly to brisbane w me? and then let me go off w mel? what kind of a condition is that? i happen to think im capable and independent enough to take a stupid airplane. hopefully it crashes when im on it.

ughs.

glamorous.

or the exact opposite.

i realised, after 21 years, that i really happen to be damn unglam. it's not just how i sit at my lil corner at work, it's how i think and behave generally. glamour is more than strutting around in pretty clothes.

but hey, guess what. although i don't have pretty clothes, someone said i walked lk a princess when i was in cedar. HAHA! although he might be referring to how bratty and bitchy i looked in the mornings, let's all be nice and see how princesses are supposed to be all elegant! and i was in my cedar uniform! yays!

and i realised that no matter how much i try to write a long entry, i can't.
i can't write at all.
i really happen to be really bad at literature.
no skill no skill. my entries are short and in point form. hmmm. how sad.
i was, afterall, a literature student, and i can't write to save my ass.
ugh.

and im scared.
of you.
and everyone else.

work's actually quite good.
i mean, other than the unforgivable fact that i can't slp in and can't slp at all, i'm really starting to like work.
because they're funny, and i discovered that hey, law teaches damn a lot of stuff that ppl are struggling to learn in the office.
well, i guess all that trees that are killed have some worth in them.
at least i now know that, no matter how useless law seems, it really isn't.

oh well.
let's all pray that i slp tonight!

whine

i feel lk a blob of fats right now.

but i wanna eat.
i want chips. ruffles' cheese and sour cream.
and chicken wings. bbqed ones please.
and ice cream. haagen's rumraisin on a cone.
and milkshake. island creamery's brandied cherry.

and i can't f-ing slp.
the horrors of a new week at work are keeping me wide awake.

samm says (04:14):
i'm into manly soldiers

MOMENT OF TRUTH!
//omg.

smirk

i thank God for a friend like you, because everytime i talk to you, i need to remind myself, it's you i'm talking to, and because you're such a special friend.. =) hahaha.. you're loved *hug

thats from roy! yays. (i just don't lk the "i need to remind myself" bit)

pui

regrets.
i wish i didnt agree to go sph.
i wish i dont need to work.
i wish i had all the time in the world to hibernate.
i wish i could be an owl happily.
i wish.

if i conjure up any more random images

i am going to live among the clouds soon.

itsnotstress

to all you concerned friends

i know theres a theory that i can't slp at night cos i was stressed over the exams.
i can safely tell you now, that it is NOT true.

simply because i am still awake NOW.
at 630 am.

pui man.
pui big time.

artistic talent

mine remains hidden

ee

angie just told me that its this law school thingy to not be able to slp at night.
her friend apparently slps frm noon-evening, and stay up all night and can't change his body clock back since forever.

now im really scared.

&^%$#@!^&*()*&^%$#@!

pui.

guilt.

guilt just set in.
from the midnight tang yuan,
century egg porridge (which i didn't finish cos the egg REALLY stank and there was pork. goodness heavens. ppl really need to stop eating the smelliest meat of them all man)
sugarcane drink (that had lotsa pulp)
large popeye's mashed potato (its freaking salty. but i lk.)
and coke.

woah.
let me do my victory dance as a pig.

i so can do with more nights lk that man.

love (& manifestations) part 2.

yays!

i love love kershia!

love (and its many manifestations)

its the lil acts that make u feel loved!

and extremely bratty.

but i like! :D

pui

i hate those nights..
when you're damn tired..
but you just can't slp.

you yawn.
you tear.
your head hurts.
and you still can't slp.

pui.

and im actually watching 300 AGAIN.
omg.

the best solution when one is feeling damn sian...

is to call someone.

thank God for the many(some) people i can call/make them call me in my life.

text twist!

woo hooo!
my latest text twist score is 107,970!
im pro mannnnn.
for all of u who don't know wad text twist is...
read "text twist" properly.
isnt it obvious enuf?
if u still don't know...go kill urself.

celebrations part 1

this is seafood platter for 1 at fish&co!!!

this is to congratulate me on finishing equity.

this is to award me for being able to stay awake for the whole paper without slping for d night.

this is to celebrate the end of equity (and essentially the end of exams since public law is killer)

this is to soothe my pain from the equity paper.

this is to remind me that life is still beautiful, and tat im not THAT deprived.

on a side note, the platter for 1 shrunk.

im actually still hungry after eating it.

tsk.

lousy.

the day science fails.

d earliest i've went to bed for the past weeks happens to be 5 am.

and in view of how Equity's paper at 9 am (LATER ON! AND IM STILL BLOGGING NOW),
i decided to beg for slping pills from roy. (refer to previous entry)
so i popped 2 pills at 930 last night.
so that i could slp by 10.
and wake up at 7.
perfect plan eh.

cept that i miscalculated the fact that my body clock is beyond hope.
screwed beyond hope.
medicine can't defeat my body clock.
science failed me.
pui.

let me go drown myself in coffee.

death

i swear im courting death.

last night, i watched 300.
tonight, i watched twister.

..............................
say your goodbyes to me, law friends!

ishallbeahairdresserwhenigetkickedoutoflawschool.

loveee

i love you, roy!

for the macs meal at this time.
AND the slping pills!

much love!

you can be my dearest love of the night!

im hungry and i want steak.

i think my handwriting's really nice.

im blardy grumpy as of this moment.
whine whine whine whine whine.

last monday night, i sent a sms that read:
"hello! :) lets have a popiah + roy's port party on thurs night at lump's place! u'll be wrapping ur own popiah with cooked ingredients, and roy this is a HUGE hint! reply."

tonight,
in anticipation of tmr night....
i present a list of ... beverages.

1) roy's port
2) fun's blue absolut
3) sammi's choc mint baileys
4) seow's johnny walker
5) lump's rum (rhyme rhyme!)
6) lump's choya
7) lump's beer
8) lump's contrieau
basically, lump's dad finances our.......water parade. =)

yays!
so much for a popiah party man.

we are the new AA - alcoholics alliance.
no longer anonymous.
love you, uncle.

current addiction:
Be Be Your Love - Rachael Yamagata

I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel

Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

Want to be your everything
Everything...

Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
Was a little piece of you

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

Everything will be alright
If you just stay the night
Please, sir, don't you walk away,
don't you walk away, don't you walk away
Please, sir, don't you walk away,
don't you walk away, don't you walk away

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
I want to be your love, love, love

I decided!

that for public law,
I shall depend on thio li ann. and her tutorials.

and I realised!
(during my facial this afternoon)

that I act chummy, but don't confide.
I make noise. I don't talk.

that I need to stop drinking water.
because lying on a bed, with a mask on, and wanting to pee damn badly...is one damn bad experience.

that I need to move on with my life.
cos no one will stop.

that I really hate studying.
no explanation needed.

that I love facials
cos of that massage, and mask.
but only if I don't want to pee.

and that I should start to respect myself and see my self-worth.
not because of what I don't have, but because of what I have.
KALYN LIANG! READ THIS BIT CAREFULLY.

how many times
does it take
for your heart to die
before it can be pronounced
dead?

text twist is evil.

just say that i shld go get lunch myself.

don't fucking tell me
that BECAUSE i slpt past YOUR lunch time
you gave my lunch up to someone else.

given the time i slpt
i should fucking slp past dinner time too.

i think its time for you to go away.

bye bye.

the mere mention of the beach makes me want to go to the beach again.

just for the wind.
that only happens to blow at 2 plus am.

or the waves.
and the soothing sound of them crashing agst the shore.

BUT
given my blardy grand plan of tackling
1 chapter a day
and the fact that
i do not have sufficient days
plus
how i cannot sit still for more than 15 minutes
resulting in
me still trying to understand cases at 4 am.

the beach seems too unattainable.

sigh.

my sad life.

and since im whining,
i might as well tell the world that im hungry.
despite campbell soup and durians at 1 plus, near 2.
and how satay, rojak and chicken wings would do me real good. (ANGIE THIS IS YOUR FAULT. AND YOU'RE ACT BBQ-ING RIGHT NOW)

whine whine whine whine whine.
whine.

i hate constructive trust.
its too fucking long.

i compiled the equity case summaries.
well, for constructive trust and tracing.

and i swear,
if there is karma in this world,
and shld i die,
my next life is so going to be a tree.

then i'll get peeled weekly
just cos some blardy elitist law students
have 100000 cases to do for one freaking module.
and another 100000 pages to read for another module.

shit.
law sch gives one bad karma.

makings of a happy day.

waking up with a sms that tells you that you're missed greatly.
+
plus a call from your old man so that he could send you to sch since it's raining so heavily
+
pleasant realisation that you did not fail the 5000 words essay
+
lovely duck noodles. (altho it wasn't enuf n i had to order macs)

despite...
1. a nagging headache cos of the lack of slp.
2. waiting for people
3. drinking the world's most lousy peppermint green tea
4. being stuck in a horrible jam (i wasn't driving, but...i feel d angst too!)
5. disgusting display of...blatant lies.

life's good.
even tho there's exams n notes.

well,
life's good cos im smiling.

at 5 am.
and normally, i wouldn't be.

cheers world!

i love you despite your imperfections.

new layout!

woahh....
the world almost saw this "I CANT PUT MY TAGBOARD UP" entry.

but its okay!
im smart enuf to put my tagboard up!
//smug.

and this layout is so boring and plain.
not lk my previous chilli padis.
but the chilli padis died on me.

so yeah. here goes.

new layout.
w horrendous colour combination.

but nvm!
i lk! =)

tell me..
whats your take
on dreams?

are they signs?

if they are,
from God?
or from your subconscious?

tell me.

before i get lost in my dreams.

it's almost lk how i wanna free myself frm my own walls.
so i hit a hole thru one wall so that someone can see it.
and come look for me.
but before i allow anyone in,
i build another wall.
so the wall with a hole has another wall behind it.
the walls i build are closing in on me.

and im not even feeling emo now.
i just feel damn fat.
from the popeye's meal.

instead of spending my time fruitfully...ie. studying given how exams are damn nearrrrr...
i spent my days watching a show that i've rewatched OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

and i shall not mention the show title.
it's way tooooooo paiseh.
but yes, i think i watched it this time last year.
while preparing for exams. (or trying)
and i've watched it for too many times.
maybe 6? HAHAHAHAHA. in a yr.
i scare myself.

but i can't stop swooning and smiling.
cos he's so suave.
cos his smile is so cute.
cos their portrayal of love is that sweet.
cos she's so comical.
cos he looks so damn yummy in his suits.
the grey one? white one?
*swoon*

ahhhhhh.
im in love.
w love.
and the suave misterrr.

cos if love is about smiling to yourself
and looking extremely stupid
but feeling pure bliss
and complete happiness...

i am in love.

i love it when friends get together and drink (anything. not just alcohol.)

because when friends get together, they talk.
abt everything.
and anything.
of cos, provided that the friends are still quite close.

DONT say its cos of the alcohol.
cos i was happy drinking green tea last night too.

i loveeeee my friends.
i loveeeeeeee nuaing arnd.

i hope exams are over.

what is more pathetic

than waking up

with ur delusion

manifesting in ur dream?

nothing, i guess.
other than being happy at that manifestation.

this is my xueping!
so instead of studying, i decided to look at pics.
and i realised that i've damn a lot of pics with xueping.
when i say damn a lot, i mean.........damn a lot.
HAHA.
sorry man, im not the accountant in this friendship.

although this pic was taken when i had long hair..
and both of us were in our mj pe kits..
we've already left the schooool.
in case you forgot,lump, it's taken when clare n i trooped over to bake.
okay. clar baked.
i played with the dough.

in any case, there's too much to talk abt when it cos to lump xue ping.
i dunno where to start.
the classroom windows?
PW?
GP?
kenny rogers?
pinggg pong?! :)
water cooler?
soccer boys? (HAR!)
nana?
shopping?
MY $150 DRESS?! (rem my email?)
shoes?
bags?
the cow? antics, speech, everything.

see. too much.
lk how many of those things can anyone understand man.
friendship really need lots of time.
even if one person's always involved in projects and meetings and all from that SCH.
as long as the other person is nua-ing half the time and skipping lessons all the time,
ALL WILL BE FINE!
thats sufficient time. hahahaha.

yays!
i love you!

i swear im not half as free as i look.

i don't lk my conclusion.

i don't lk how i think.

i don't wanna think that way.

but, to think otherwise, would mean im sticking to my delusion.

freak.

:xiwen says:
guys should just be unthinking sex machines

my friend!
i love!

i see the difference
between
vulnerability.
and weakness.

i welcome vulnerability.
and abhor weakness.

call me uncompassionate.
wicked.
cruel.
selfish.

but i abhor weakness.

in all honesty
i'm lost.

lost.
in my religion.
or lack of.

how can i be a Christian
who doesn't go to church
who doesn't pray

in any case,
i stopped.
believing.

so, i'm pretty amazed recently.
cos my neighbour,
who has been playing the piano for such a long time
decided to play hymns.

not just any hymns.
but hymns i sang when i was young.
hymns that brought me to church.
hymns that i can't help but sing along.

ah.
life.

coincidence?
or reminder?
-6.30pm-

well, i met up with apple and izzy today.

quite an occasion, cos...well, i don't normally meet them.

so i went to ms clarity cafe (xiwen! i know how to bring u there!)

and boy, was it crowded.

its seriously damn freaking crowded lar.

and it's darn noisy inside.

lk 1000000000 ppl speaking at the top of their voices in a tiny room, so the noises are amplified. eeeeyers.

in any case! apple n i had this:

it's soft shell crab fantasy. ie. soft shell crab with pasta in creamy sauce!

so initially, in all excitement, apple gave it thumbs up!

simply because this is one MONUMENTAL day when she chooses something other than chicken.
there was chicken on the menu, and she chose this!
seriously amazing.
i think i should go buy 4d.
i mean, shes the person who asked for chicken in fish&co.
woah!
there's much progress in her life!

but at the end of it all, i think she will end up sticking to chicken.
not that the soft shell crab was bad...
she just wasn't used to eating crab shells.
i think.
HAHAHAHHA!
so much for progress.

tanwanjing says (00:31):
no im fine.

tanwanjing says (00:31):
i just think that i suck

little superhero girl. says (00:32):
u dun lar!

little superhero girl. says (00:32):
u are the mighty fren who's willing to be my sppting cast in my lowest times! hahah


iloveyoumabelleong.

do you know what they say?
do you know how you feel?
do you know..me?
my words?
my thoughts?
my feelings?
my emotions?
my hopes?
my fears?
my desires?
my lies?
me?

in recognition of the "lil ms" series craze..
i introduce
little miss deluded.

its actually quite pathetic how i try and endear myself to my delusion.
and it is extremely unsettling how even tho i identify the delusion, i cannot get out of the shithole.

in any case, the little miss deluded would be smiling and crying at the same time.
and to those who realised how fucking stupid i am,
i am damn sorry.
i already told you that i am fucking stupid.

i watched paris jet'aime.
i think its apt how it ended with a lonely woman, who found herself and ended with her loving paris.
yet, like how kalyn said, that was not abt loving herself.
that was abt loving a country.
so if i shall become a director, i shall have a movie abt loving yourself.

loving yourself sounds selfish.
lk u'r the centre of the world.
lk u'r the only important soul arnd.
lk u'r all that matters.

but...it is true.
to some extent, anyway.
nothing good happens if you don't love yourself.

excuse me while i convince myself to start loving myself.

theoretically, you're supposed to have a soft spot in my heart.

but because i am such a vicious and petty person..
im denying you your soft spot.

so, off you go.

let's talk abt trust.

how many ppl do you trust?

you certainly don't trust that guy who was beside you this morning.
the one who was just a bit too close to you.

you definitely don't trust that random middle-aged man of any race.
sitting by the curb.
looking at you as you walk.

you can't say you trust your neighbour.
even though you say hi,auntie every time u bumped into her.

then think!
do u trust ur frens?
do you trust the person you lunch with?
do you trust the person who you labelled "best friend"?
do you tell that person everything on your mind and feel relieved & happy after each conversation?
do you trust anyone?

i think its fascinatingly stunning when people go "I TRUST".
because in this world, the norm is not to trust.
don't trust that man with the big black bag because it could be a bomb.
don't trust that man with the nice red car and lollipop because hes a stranger.
don't trust the karang guni man because he'll kidnap you.
don't trust the policeman because when you cry, he'll scold you.
who trusts?

but, who can live without trusting anyone?

i wanted to go on talking abt the stupid law's version of trust.
but i realised i know shit abt it to talk abt it.
HAHAHA.
so yah.
no more no more.

so what if im not a girly girl?
so what if i can't prance around n look pretty?
so what if i don't dress up?
so what if i don't wear make up?

does that make me less of a girl?
or more of a guy?
or less of a human?
or more of an alien?

the equity tut must really be damn boring..
till i actually got inspired for a blog post by spying on some random nick on msn.
LIFE.

in any case, i love who i am.
so fuck off if u dun lk.

so what if im not a girly girl?
so what if i can't prance around n look pretty?
so what if i don't dress up?
so what if i don't wear make up?

does that make me less of a girl?
or more of a guy?
or less of a human?
or more of an alien?

the equity tut must really be damn boring..
till i actually got inspired for a blog post by spying on some random nick on msn.
LIFE.

in any case, i love who i am.
so fuck off if u dun lk.

i smile.
with a downcast face.

i skip.
with heavy feet.

i swear shopping is the BEST thing to ever happen today.

then i had to have ppl who decided to care abt me, to prove me wrong.

so i love you, mabel leong! and my dearrr old twin.

lurve.

bye bye.

the weather complements my mood for the night.

i hate the sinking feeling.

yesterday, i was told to obtain some "interesting" pics for ***** ***** in order to prove the "deepdeepmuchmuch" (or something lk that) kinda love i had.
[by the way, i asked. n was rejected. so its not that i don't love you. its just that the person was too vicious.]

so i guess everyone needs to know of some certainty and evidence (okay. this sounds damn cold. but yah, evidence) of something intangible called love.

and lk some random maroon 5 song, saying i love you has nothing to do with meaning it.

could a hug do the trick?
or must one present some diamond ring?

would a smile and a pat suffice?
or must there be a truckload of goodies?

how tangible must the facts be in order for one to conclude convincingly (to him/herself) about the intangible aspects?

what if that person is d world's most unexpressive person?
or if he/she happens to introverted?
or shy?
or just unable to open up to anyone?

what if that person is too poor to shower u with gifts?
or too busy?
or too burdened?
would that be construed as unwillingness?
or nonchalance?

i think i need some random chick flick to feel warm n fuzzy again.
chick flicks are my newest addiction.
short (unlike korean dramas) and fuzzy-feeling.

im beginning to think that a person will spend his/her life questioning.
and never finding a proper answer.
or maybe im just too young to be sure.
ahhh
the follies of youth.

im in sch for lect. this moment is of such rarity that i think i deserve some random celebration for this achievement.
i need more than a pau.
i need sushi buffet.

in any case, i really like the morning and its smell.
well, i enjoyed it.
provided that i've had enough slp.
i don't usually wake up in time to enjoy the morning.

and i suddenly rem this phrase where "a cynic is all but a disappointed idealist" (or something to that extent)
and i realised that everyone has this notion of a fairy tale.
i think its all that korean drama. not disney.

and i realised that my life has been nothing lk a korean drama.
im more of a cinderella.
cept that shes supposedly pretty.
but its okay!
at least ive small feet!
HAHAHA! wad a consolation.

okay. i shall eat my chicken pau n try to pay attn.
ta~
-9.06am-

mabel leong!
rem the time when ur nick was "what if the world fails to conspire?"
in reply to the alchemist's theory of how when someone really wants something, the world will conspire.

GUESS WAD!
i came up with my very own theory.
it might not be wad everyone subscribes to..
but..well..its MY theory.
here goes..

the world conspires...
only in order to show life's irony.
everything will happen..
just to reveal life's wicked way of handing out cards.
cruel huh.

im in sch for lect.
this moment is of such rarity that i think i deserve some random celebration for this achievement.
i need more than a pau.
i need sushi buffet.

in any case, i really like the morning and its smell.
well, i enjoy it.
provided that i've had enough slp.
i don't usually wake up in time to enjoy the morning.

and i suddenly rem this phrase where "a cynic is all but a disappointed idealist" (or something to that extent)
and i realised that everyone has this notion of a fairy tale. i think its all that korean drama. not disney.
and i realised that my life has been nothing lk a korean drama.
im more of a cinderella.
cept that shes supposedly pretty.
but its okay!
at least ive small feet!
HAHAHA! wad a consolation.

okay. i shall eat my chicken pau n try to pay attn.
ta~

im gg to put a fullstop to everything!

the point when..

a shopping experience turns into an obsessive trip.

a want morphs into a need.

a paradise transforms into consumerism hell.

the point is this pair of shoes:

Guess' Carrie 2.

$145.90

MY NEW OBJECT OF DESIRE.

THE REASON FOR SURVIVAL.

it's overtaking my sensibilities.

i love southpark's interpretation of raging hormones.

hahahaha.

they let 9 yr old lil boys turn into apes.

just cos one lil girl has boobs.

ahhhhh..
raging hormoness.

and southpark reveals that such.....primal instincts stick w males for life.

hahaha.

such insight.

i am fucking stupid.

yays!

new skin!

it reminds me of lin and her lil drawing of peas in a pod!

im 20.

but at times, i feel lk im a grand total of 60.

i don't lk what i know.

i don't lk how i feel.

i don't lk what i don't know.

i hate sounding lk some emo shit.

i think..

i really really..

wanna move into..

my very own lil hole now.

or hide with a few glasses of martinis.

the only emotions that really strike me recently...

are resignation.

and helplessness.

its not even recently.

it's lk....since forever.

i don't even know if resignation and helplessness count as emotions.

i think i need my fix of beach.

i think i need my dose of escapism.

i think i need my dash of hope.

i think i need to stop facing reality.

indeed, life can be so boring..

that one ends up blog-surfing..

and reading blogs of random souls who were never a part of my life..

and just end up getting more bored.

wth.

and cos everyone decided to post on cny..

i think cny shld stay forever, so that i won't have lessons.

lk the stupid pub law tut.

at 930 am tmr.

WTF!

i so regret not buying that cool-popsicle-making-thing-from-ikea.

SHIT!

i cannot slp.

in fact, i don't even feel the least bit tired.

i swear its cos of public law.

don't ask me which part.

the essay or the tuts.

cos i think its both.

i hate hate hate hate hate public law.

pui.

i need to slp.

now.

or i'll start killing ppl.

you wait.

i was out yesterday...with the person who cheats on her boyfriend.

cept that she cheats on him with me.

wth. im no les.

but yes, i love you.

anyhow...if u'r wondering where did this pic come from, its ur 19th bday i think....at the airport.

lurvee you.

despite your random bimbo moments that happen to last longer than normal moments.

despite your extremely charming *ahem ahem* who doesn't happen to have the nicest things to say abt me.

despite your warped taste for beer cos beer stinks.

despite your clogged arteries from all the bakkwas.

wo ai ni! -MUACK-

so after i was convinced to send an email to thio regarding the stupid assgn....

i got a reply.

"i appreciate your candour. but we expect all students to responsibly and carefully read the assgn qns"

WTF!

but its okay.

cos im done mourning.

its good to have law school beside the gardens.

imagine...

one day, after handing in your assignment..

with a word limit of 3000-3500 words...

which you happily assumed was 5000 words..

you REALISED that you were off the mark..

for 1500 words...

which is half d essay.

imagine the depression..

THEN!

there is the gardens.

where u can escape to.

and lie down on the grass (which i think is quite dirty cos it gave me red spots on my hands..BUT I WAS SAD)

and all there is arnd u is silence (or almost)

and nothing but air.

fantastic.

wonderful eh.

anyhow, thanks.

i am finally done with that sadistic assignment.

critically evaluate the existing constitutional principles, institutions and rights in order to asses whether the amendments to the constitution have promoted or weakened constitutionalism, parliamentary democracy and the rule of law in singapore.

evaluate my ass.

if you think thats cheem, let me tell you lil kids that i merely allowed a peek at my assignment question. answering that probably isn't even HALF the question.

and all that junk in 5000 words? lk hello? pardon us if our brains are too good.

in any case, lump, i suggest u stop hoping already.

im only done with the bullshit cos i cannot be ****ing bothered. haha.

and! i realised that i have to state which form of citations i use.

and i admit here, that i KNOW that my citations are ALL wrong. actually, i didn't even cite. i merely listed the cases and books and shit.

but i do not give a ****.

then i HAVE to give my essay a title. the perfect one would be "junk accumulated in my brain".

but my schoold isn't perfect. (okay, im too chicken to put that down)

HAHAHAHA!

im actually quite happy that im done. ask angie. angie senses my joy.

but i think my angst (because of this moronic shite) outweighs the joy.

LIFE. pui.

today i almost said that i don't want to talk like i was in a fairy tale.

but i stopped.

because i YEARN to have that "live happily ever after" ending.





i see the hurt.

i sense the pain.

i understand how it feels like to be resigned.

to accept ur helplessness.

i wanna cry for you.

but i can't.

because i see myself doing the exact same thing to you.

and because this is the result of you not being home.

what would you do..

if i say i like you.

if i tell u i hate you.

if i remind you that i despise you.

if i dance in the rain.

if i twirl around in pointy shoes.

if i dig into a tub of ice cream and cry.

if i stare blankly at you.

if i frown at you.

if i snap at you.

if i ignore you.

what would you do?

i CANNOT believe that a shopping mall as HUGE as vivocity has NO kfc.

honestly, how can any mall not have kfc?

i AM so deprived.

pui.

whine whine whine whine whine.

im trying my very best to START on the public law assignment.

but every single time i sit down n try....

i just feel lk sleeping.

sigh.

i personally find life a joke.

a total joke. not that i find it all that funny for every single moment tho.

it's terribly amusing how things are turning out. are those excuses or reasons? are we doubting your character, or do we not know you? are you selfish or are you selfless?

i don't know whats going on. i don't know how to react.

i don't want to speculate too much. i guess, as a law student, we are all trained to look at facts. cold, hard facts. maybe the events leading up to it. but we are all trained to doubt EVERY SINGLE THING we know of.

and i guess we all doubt your character.





its horribly comedic how you (another you) affect me.

i actually hate it, i think.

no then again, im not sure how i feel towards it.

im not certain as to how i wanna feel.

i guess, thats why i say its a comedy.

except that, past a point, comedy ceases to be funny, and transcends directly into a tragedy.

ahhhh. life.

fantastic.

and like how i told rich, it sucks ass. (actually i quoted cartman)

in view of all the (potential and existing) lovey-dovey ambience...

and the clear separation between singles and...........(ex)singles...

i bring to you..my lurve.

well, after kenny McCormick.

little superhero girl. says:
u loveee me deep deep lar. and for long long lar!

on a day...

when u had to run to catch a bus in heels..

heels that gave u blisters while u climbed up the slope..

and the same pair that pinched ur toes simply cos u stood too long in them..

and basically killed you and your feet for the WHOLE day..





all that has to happen..

is to chance upon an eye candy.

one so cute that all you can do is peek and smile.





and i assure you..

ALL will be fine.

the day will be a great day.

i assure you.

i am officially addicted to southpark.

and am in love with kenny.

kennnnnyyy. mccormickkkk.

lurve.

this is my cny present!

from angie!

altho cny is in spring, and that is a snowman...

and snow doesn't fall in spring..

and i normally don't see "real" snowmen..................

but i love you, angie!

thanks for the snowman! yayyy!

i swear i love cny!

the goodies are fantastic!

i really cannot stop eating them!

i am currently addicted to pineapple tarts!

i am waiting for your pineapple tarts k....

f u c k y o u .

pui is officially a word in my dictionary.

pui. i hate tonight's dinner.

the 1st batch of cny goodies came in today..

and lo and behold!

there is NO pineapple tarts.

i WANT pineapple tarts.

cny isn't cny without pineapple tarts!

SIGH!

wad a life!

on days like that...

my vocab shrinks to a grand total of one word.

fuck.

and its many variations.

ahh! the chocolates the best friend made.

well..not all. only lk..some of it. prob one type of random choc.

they didn't taste too bad!!! cept for somepepperyone, that was..different.

actually...if only i could have an entire tray of the chocolates.

LIFE.

anyway! watched d singapore-thailand match.

where the thais decided to stage a coup on us, and zah says that we can expect military tanks ANY minute.

where the singapore soccer guys decided to let the ball roll instead of kicking it for a free kick.

where the thais dove into the ground at EVERY SINGLE opportunity they had.

where there was only one nice ball.

and where the victory was on a penalty.

(how sad lar. the last win was frm shoot-outs and tyco-ness, and this frm penalty)

in any case, i felt lk an ah beng during d match.

and i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the wind.

LOVE IT!