well well well!

that's the work of my one-heck-of-a-creative-best friend.

nice right!

whoever thought he could be as artistic as angie...okay..maybe not angie. angie's too great.

proud of you!

//smug.

ps. do i get one too? :D

"crying empowers" is all, but a figurative speech.

we figured that crying would allow you to get over issues and move on to challenge life again.

but we realise that we'd be crying over the same issues over and over again.

we figured that crying would be a good way to vent your anger, frustration, wadever, and brings you some (random) kind of peace.

but we realise that the only reason why we can sleep after crying, is cos crying tires us out and drains us completely.

we figured that crying would signify an embracement of emotions and shit.

but we realise that it only makes ppl shower u with more sympathy.

and yet, i cry.

i refuse to do it in front of anyone.

i was told i like to act strong cos of that.

maybe, it's my only way of saving some dignity for myself.

simply because my life is too fucked up to be true.

on a side note, i hate nights when my brain goes into overdrive, and i end up not sleeping.

tonight, i blame the green tea. all kinds of green tea.

and the stupid roach that scared the hell out of me.

Got to know of the idea of being dependent on a male figure.


i don't think people realise that they do it, but they do end up doing so subconsciously.


i dont think its actually possible to pretend that depending on someone, anyone, does not bring about comfort.


on the same thread, i don't think its possible to pretend that depending on someone is beneficial and healthy.


i strive to be independent.


but can i?


do you want me to?

was out w roy...

then i came home n saw this :

(name censored to protect identity, cos i doubt this entry will be appreciated)

**** just sent you a Nudge!



**** says:

I DONT LIKE YOU

and i find this unbelivably cute! hahahahaha

this is really damn cute!

sorry. was out. :)

if you've been observant..u'd see the various advertisements for the RED awareness programme about Aids.


where some random mediacorp guy's ripping his shirt that reads "ba(red)" off.


or ronald susilo with "sco(red)" and a badminton racket!

and i'm excited! i wanna have a go at it.


imagine a chicken! wearing a red shirt! that says "rea(red)"

isn't that cool!


or maybe some jared wearing "ja(red)"


okay, that negated my initial brilliance.

but the chicken add would rock socks.

we learn lessons on a daily basis.

the lesson learnt today is..

i lk to see my forehead. so i can't have hair covering it.

or rather, i don't like having hair covering my ENTIRE forehead.

there goes the plan to have bangs.

imagine..

that for the entire period in bed,

the only time you feel tired

is the time for you to wake up

i concluded tt alcohol stops me from sleeping

and i hate puking.

anyhow! thank you, clar!

for being such a total sweetie. i love you!

thank you very much!

i don't know if checking my email at 730am to see if the stupid thing at 930 has been cancelled means tt i'm a hopeful person.

or maybe i'm just damn tired.

im currently in my mjc uniform!

with my hair tied up

and the string of my blouse tied.

i wore my cedar uni too!

i could still fit in!

in any case, i concluded that my skirts were damn long.

seriously.

i thought i wore short skirts.

but apparently, they are long...like really long.

surprisingly long.

ahhhhhh!

i wanna wear my uniforms...

"a cynic is a disappointed idealist"

how apt.

that is probably the only thing i rem from the public law lect today.

well, in any case, it brings a whole new perspective into the word cynic.

not like it wasn't obvious, but it is so clear suddenly.

an enlightenment.

if i had a chance to talk to God before He created you,

i would ask him to

give you one more dose of sensitivity;

take away part of your irresponsibility;

allow you to use more of your brains;

let you realise what is common sense;

make you more grounded;

add in some hardworking genes,

then maybe, in this way, i'd be a very happy little girl.

but i can't.

so i guess i should just stick to blaming your parents for your lousy upbringing

and to finally realise that it's time to acknowledge my lack of luck

or maybe, i could be more optimistic

and view you as a test in my life.

if you're a test

then i think God thinks too highly of me.

to those who care..

i didn't skip sch on d 1st day.

i only ended up slping in on d 2nd day of sch.

i am sad.

i slpt at 7 am and woke at 1030 am for the 1st day of school.

and now...

i still can't slp.

seriously.

i think i need to buy more flu medicine.

then i rem what someone said..

"so now you're an alcoholic and a drug addict."

ahhh. nice.

wad a great summary of my life.

maybe you shld have added in insomniac.

sighhhhhhhhhh.

i wonder if im gg for lessons tmr.

and right now..i feel lk eating at astons.

eat wad i usually eat.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

well

i guess the more u don't want something to affect you

the probability of it affecting you increases.

todayyy...i baked.

i slpt at 10 pm last night..went to my granny's this morn..then napped..

and i proceeded to bake my VERY OWN banana cake!

which happens to be terrifically banana-y!

to those who know that there shld be a chocolate coating...
i was too drained from mashing the bananas.

to those who don't know that there shld be a chocolate coating...
pretend that you still don't know.

all in all, im DAMN proud of myself.

and zah, seriously, im so wholesome i think your parents will want you to spend more time with me.

im such a wholesome kid!

am reading "the rape of nanking"

am particularly disturbed by the author's use of "random rape".

somehow, the word random doesn't apply when the idea and image projected from the book is that the japanese soldiers raped most women.

how can that ever be random?

random rape.

wad a way to mar the sanctity of the word "random".

guess wad!

i really love drinking!

esp since alcoholic drinks give u this sweet taste.

followed by a bitter aftertaste.

THENNNNN sweet again.

perfect!

im gonna turn into an alcoholic and get addicted.

im gonna be all high and crazy (sans pukey).

and im gonna wait for someone to enter me into AA.

and hold hands with doraemon. (this is an inside joke)

ps. i realised tt i just want to test my limits for alcohol. so....beware, friends!

the ass of the brother stomped into my room at 5 am.

just as i yawned n rolled into my bed, he entered.

cos he couldn't slp.

so he bugged me to talk to him.

he resorted to snuggling on my bed.

so now, at 8 am, i'm still bloody hell awake.

all cos of the ass of the brother.

hear my calls to help me stay buoyant?

the waves don't happen to have mercy.

they sweep everything away, and allow no shred of hope for an escape.

they keep you under, and diminish all traces of oxygen.

they smother.

i wonder how long the smile will remain.



and right now, all i want to do, is to hear the waves crashing upon the shore.

and i can pretend that i'm above the waves.

safe.

when, in actual fact, i happen to be slipping under.


i was told that most of my entries happen to be negative.

not that it surprises me.

i can share happy stuff easily.

but when some haunting issues that can't be spoken loom about

who will keep me buoyant?



i know i sound suicidal.

im not. no worries.

not yet, at least.

nightmare no 2.

my junk food stash is gone.



i think yr 2007 doesn't bode well.

2 nightmares in 2 days.

my very 1st dream of 2006

happens to be a nightmare.

where all the crows attacked everyone.



this is really really bad.