i cannot slp.

in fact, i don't even feel the least bit tired.

i swear its cos of public law.

don't ask me which part.

the essay or the tuts.

cos i think its both.

i hate hate hate hate hate public law.

pui.

i need to slp.

now.

or i'll start killing ppl.

you wait.

i was out yesterday...with the person who cheats on her boyfriend.

cept that she cheats on him with me.

wth. im no les.

but yes, i love you.

anyhow...if u'r wondering where did this pic come from, its ur 19th bday i think....at the airport.

lurvee you.

despite your random bimbo moments that happen to last longer than normal moments.

despite your extremely charming *ahem ahem* who doesn't happen to have the nicest things to say abt me.

despite your warped taste for beer cos beer stinks.

despite your clogged arteries from all the bakkwas.

wo ai ni! -MUACK-

so after i was convinced to send an email to thio regarding the stupid assgn....

i got a reply.

"i appreciate your candour. but we expect all students to responsibly and carefully read the assgn qns"

WTF!

but its okay.

cos im done mourning.

its good to have law school beside the gardens.

imagine...

one day, after handing in your assignment..

with a word limit of 3000-3500 words...

which you happily assumed was 5000 words..

you REALISED that you were off the mark..

for 1500 words...

which is half d essay.

imagine the depression..

THEN!

there is the gardens.

where u can escape to.

and lie down on the grass (which i think is quite dirty cos it gave me red spots on my hands..BUT I WAS SAD)

and all there is arnd u is silence (or almost)

and nothing but air.

fantastic.

wonderful eh.

anyhow, thanks.

i am finally done with that sadistic assignment.

critically evaluate the existing constitutional principles, institutions and rights in order to asses whether the amendments to the constitution have promoted or weakened constitutionalism, parliamentary democracy and the rule of law in singapore.

evaluate my ass.

if you think thats cheem, let me tell you lil kids that i merely allowed a peek at my assignment question. answering that probably isn't even HALF the question.

and all that junk in 5000 words? lk hello? pardon us if our brains are too good.

in any case, lump, i suggest u stop hoping already.

im only done with the bullshit cos i cannot be ****ing bothered. haha.

and! i realised that i have to state which form of citations i use.

and i admit here, that i KNOW that my citations are ALL wrong. actually, i didn't even cite. i merely listed the cases and books and shit.

but i do not give a ****.

then i HAVE to give my essay a title. the perfect one would be "junk accumulated in my brain".

but my schoold isn't perfect. (okay, im too chicken to put that down)

HAHAHAHA!

im actually quite happy that im done. ask angie. angie senses my joy.

but i think my angst (because of this moronic shite) outweighs the joy.

LIFE. pui.

today i almost said that i don't want to talk like i was in a fairy tale.

but i stopped.

because i YEARN to have that "live happily ever after" ending.





i see the hurt.

i sense the pain.

i understand how it feels like to be resigned.

to accept ur helplessness.

i wanna cry for you.

but i can't.

because i see myself doing the exact same thing to you.

and because this is the result of you not being home.

what would you do..

if i say i like you.

if i tell u i hate you.

if i remind you that i despise you.

if i dance in the rain.

if i twirl around in pointy shoes.

if i dig into a tub of ice cream and cry.

if i stare blankly at you.

if i frown at you.

if i snap at you.

if i ignore you.

what would you do?

i CANNOT believe that a shopping mall as HUGE as vivocity has NO kfc.

honestly, how can any mall not have kfc?

i AM so deprived.

pui.

whine whine whine whine whine.

im trying my very best to START on the public law assignment.

but every single time i sit down n try....

i just feel lk sleeping.

sigh.

i personally find life a joke.

a total joke. not that i find it all that funny for every single moment tho.

it's terribly amusing how things are turning out. are those excuses or reasons? are we doubting your character, or do we not know you? are you selfish or are you selfless?

i don't know whats going on. i don't know how to react.

i don't want to speculate too much. i guess, as a law student, we are all trained to look at facts. cold, hard facts. maybe the events leading up to it. but we are all trained to doubt EVERY SINGLE THING we know of.

and i guess we all doubt your character.





its horribly comedic how you (another you) affect me.

i actually hate it, i think.

no then again, im not sure how i feel towards it.

im not certain as to how i wanna feel.

i guess, thats why i say its a comedy.

except that, past a point, comedy ceases to be funny, and transcends directly into a tragedy.

ahhhh. life.

fantastic.

and like how i told rich, it sucks ass. (actually i quoted cartman)

in view of all the (potential and existing) lovey-dovey ambience...

and the clear separation between singles and...........(ex)singles...

i bring to you..my lurve.

well, after kenny McCormick.

little superhero girl. says:
u loveee me deep deep lar. and for long long lar!

on a day...

when u had to run to catch a bus in heels..

heels that gave u blisters while u climbed up the slope..

and the same pair that pinched ur toes simply cos u stood too long in them..

and basically killed you and your feet for the WHOLE day..





all that has to happen..

is to chance upon an eye candy.

one so cute that all you can do is peek and smile.





and i assure you..

ALL will be fine.

the day will be a great day.

i assure you.

i am officially addicted to southpark.

and am in love with kenny.

kennnnnyyy. mccormickkkk.

lurve.

this is my cny present!

from angie!

altho cny is in spring, and that is a snowman...

and snow doesn't fall in spring..

and i normally don't see "real" snowmen..................

but i love you, angie!

thanks for the snowman! yayyy!

i swear i love cny!

the goodies are fantastic!

i really cannot stop eating them!

i am currently addicted to pineapple tarts!

i am waiting for your pineapple tarts k....

f u c k y o u .

pui is officially a word in my dictionary.

pui. i hate tonight's dinner.

the 1st batch of cny goodies came in today..

and lo and behold!

there is NO pineapple tarts.

i WANT pineapple tarts.

cny isn't cny without pineapple tarts!

SIGH!

wad a life!

on days like that...

my vocab shrinks to a grand total of one word.

fuck.

and its many variations.

ahh! the chocolates the best friend made.

well..not all. only lk..some of it. prob one type of random choc.

they didn't taste too bad!!! cept for somepepperyone, that was..different.

actually...if only i could have an entire tray of the chocolates.

LIFE.

anyway! watched d singapore-thailand match.

where the thais decided to stage a coup on us, and zah says that we can expect military tanks ANY minute.

where the singapore soccer guys decided to let the ball roll instead of kicking it for a free kick.

where the thais dove into the ground at EVERY SINGLE opportunity they had.

where there was only one nice ball.

and where the victory was on a penalty.

(how sad lar. the last win was frm shoot-outs and tyco-ness, and this frm penalty)

in any case, i felt lk an ah beng during d match.

and i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the wind.

LOVE IT!

i HAD this....overwhelming excitement.

the bubbling anticipation in my new room after I MYSELF painted it.

i embarked on it.

and it looks like shit.

i cannot believe it.

i am currently depressed cos i CANNOT paint for nuts.

but to quote xw, thats y im a law student. (in times like tt, i really need consolation. and the beach)

so this is my room after i STUPIDLY decided to do it all alone: (xw..i uploaded this junk for you. do you feel the love? i sacrificed my dignity)

and this is what my mummy painted:

imagine, if i wasn't so obstinate or geh kiang, my wall would be so much prettier.

ahhhhh...and to quote sammi..my mommy is damn pro.

LIFE.

brat! says:
eh if law doesn't work you could be a sportswoman k
brat! says:
that photo will do fine

yay!

the rain, the wind, the sounds.
perfect equation for a recluse to emerge.

maybe i'm just blaming the weather.
it is really pretty convenient.

because, i'm pretty sure the life (or lack of) is the reason.

im not mourning cos im home.

im mourning cos i dread home.

someone,please give me a solution.

fuck the whole world.


esp. stupid google when i've to switch blogs at the moment when i was bursting with emotions n tears. fuck you.

this is zahida!

"i am so tired"

[ps. if you are blind, the shirt reads 'being this cute is exhausting']

to my dearest xueping,

i know you've a grand plan of getting a dog to get over your fears!

and i know you've been fighting for your right to own a dog.

a dog, in your opinion, that has no character.

and we went through the checklist for your (potentially) new doggy - must look cute.

simple!

then you came up with names for ur doggy, and even angie decided to call it miao mi.

and you can't get your dog cos of ur..........(lets not mention him)

and i came up with all sorts of plans so that you can gain upper ground!

including crying. or leashing a stuffed toy and dragging it arnd your hse!

AND YOU RECIPROCATE BY TELLING ME TO ASK FOR A BIRD?

i honestly, do not see the need for me to get over my **** (censored for my own good) of birds.

i do not WANT to see them at my place at night, when i can hide from them.

and..its so much easier to get a bird than a dog.

and birds are noisy.

my family's noisy enuf.

thank you very much.

i still love you.

somehow.

love,jing! *muack*

if i was a cat....

i'd be an angry and unsettled cat as of now

and i'll be scratching everything i see!

meow!

well well well!

that's the work of my one-heck-of-a-creative-best friend.

nice right!

whoever thought he could be as artistic as angie...okay..maybe not angie. angie's too great.

proud of you!

//smug.

ps. do i get one too? :D

"crying empowers" is all, but a figurative speech.

we figured that crying would allow you to get over issues and move on to challenge life again.

but we realise that we'd be crying over the same issues over and over again.

we figured that crying would be a good way to vent your anger, frustration, wadever, and brings you some (random) kind of peace.

but we realise that the only reason why we can sleep after crying, is cos crying tires us out and drains us completely.

we figured that crying would signify an embracement of emotions and shit.

but we realise that it only makes ppl shower u with more sympathy.

and yet, i cry.

i refuse to do it in front of anyone.

i was told i like to act strong cos of that.

maybe, it's my only way of saving some dignity for myself.

simply because my life is too fucked up to be true.

on a side note, i hate nights when my brain goes into overdrive, and i end up not sleeping.

tonight, i blame the green tea. all kinds of green tea.

and the stupid roach that scared the hell out of me.

Got to know of the idea of being dependent on a male figure.


i don't think people realise that they do it, but they do end up doing so subconsciously.


i dont think its actually possible to pretend that depending on someone, anyone, does not bring about comfort.


on the same thread, i don't think its possible to pretend that depending on someone is beneficial and healthy.


i strive to be independent.


but can i?


do you want me to?

was out w roy...

then i came home n saw this :

(name censored to protect identity, cos i doubt this entry will be appreciated)

**** just sent you a Nudge!



**** says:

I DONT LIKE YOU

and i find this unbelivably cute! hahahahaha

this is really damn cute!

sorry. was out. :)

if you've been observant..u'd see the various advertisements for the RED awareness programme about Aids.


where some random mediacorp guy's ripping his shirt that reads "ba(red)" off.


or ronald susilo with "sco(red)" and a badminton racket!

and i'm excited! i wanna have a go at it.


imagine a chicken! wearing a red shirt! that says "rea(red)"

isn't that cool!


or maybe some jared wearing "ja(red)"


okay, that negated my initial brilliance.

but the chicken add would rock socks.

we learn lessons on a daily basis.

the lesson learnt today is..

i lk to see my forehead. so i can't have hair covering it.

or rather, i don't like having hair covering my ENTIRE forehead.

there goes the plan to have bangs.

imagine..

that for the entire period in bed,

the only time you feel tired

is the time for you to wake up

i concluded tt alcohol stops me from sleeping

and i hate puking.

anyhow! thank you, clar!

for being such a total sweetie. i love you!

thank you very much!

i don't know if checking my email at 730am to see if the stupid thing at 930 has been cancelled means tt i'm a hopeful person.

or maybe i'm just damn tired.

im currently in my mjc uniform!

with my hair tied up

and the string of my blouse tied.

i wore my cedar uni too!

i could still fit in!

in any case, i concluded that my skirts were damn long.

seriously.

i thought i wore short skirts.

but apparently, they are long...like really long.

surprisingly long.

ahhhhhh!

i wanna wear my uniforms...

"a cynic is a disappointed idealist"

how apt.

that is probably the only thing i rem from the public law lect today.

well, in any case, it brings a whole new perspective into the word cynic.

not like it wasn't obvious, but it is so clear suddenly.

an enlightenment.

if i had a chance to talk to God before He created you,

i would ask him to

give you one more dose of sensitivity;

take away part of your irresponsibility;

allow you to use more of your brains;

let you realise what is common sense;

make you more grounded;

add in some hardworking genes,

then maybe, in this way, i'd be a very happy little girl.

but i can't.

so i guess i should just stick to blaming your parents for your lousy upbringing

and to finally realise that it's time to acknowledge my lack of luck

or maybe, i could be more optimistic

and view you as a test in my life.

if you're a test

then i think God thinks too highly of me.

to those who care..

i didn't skip sch on d 1st day.

i only ended up slping in on d 2nd day of sch.

i am sad.

i slpt at 7 am and woke at 1030 am for the 1st day of school.

and now...

i still can't slp.

seriously.

i think i need to buy more flu medicine.

then i rem what someone said..

"so now you're an alcoholic and a drug addict."

ahhh. nice.

wad a great summary of my life.

maybe you shld have added in insomniac.

sighhhhhhhhhh.

i wonder if im gg for lessons tmr.

and right now..i feel lk eating at astons.

eat wad i usually eat.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

well

i guess the more u don't want something to affect you

the probability of it affecting you increases.

todayyy...i baked.

i slpt at 10 pm last night..went to my granny's this morn..then napped..

and i proceeded to bake my VERY OWN banana cake!

which happens to be terrifically banana-y!

to those who know that there shld be a chocolate coating...
i was too drained from mashing the bananas.

to those who don't know that there shld be a chocolate coating...
pretend that you still don't know.

all in all, im DAMN proud of myself.

and zah, seriously, im so wholesome i think your parents will want you to spend more time with me.

im such a wholesome kid!

am reading "the rape of nanking"

am particularly disturbed by the author's use of "random rape".

somehow, the word random doesn't apply when the idea and image projected from the book is that the japanese soldiers raped most women.

how can that ever be random?

random rape.

wad a way to mar the sanctity of the word "random".

guess wad!

i really love drinking!

esp since alcoholic drinks give u this sweet taste.

followed by a bitter aftertaste.

THENNNNN sweet again.

perfect!

im gonna turn into an alcoholic and get addicted.

im gonna be all high and crazy (sans pukey).

and im gonna wait for someone to enter me into AA.

and hold hands with doraemon. (this is an inside joke)

ps. i realised tt i just want to test my limits for alcohol. so....beware, friends!

the ass of the brother stomped into my room at 5 am.

just as i yawned n rolled into my bed, he entered.

cos he couldn't slp.

so he bugged me to talk to him.

he resorted to snuggling on my bed.

so now, at 8 am, i'm still bloody hell awake.

all cos of the ass of the brother.

hear my calls to help me stay buoyant?

the waves don't happen to have mercy.

they sweep everything away, and allow no shred of hope for an escape.

they keep you under, and diminish all traces of oxygen.

they smother.

i wonder how long the smile will remain.



and right now, all i want to do, is to hear the waves crashing upon the shore.

and i can pretend that i'm above the waves.

safe.

when, in actual fact, i happen to be slipping under.


i was told that most of my entries happen to be negative.

not that it surprises me.

i can share happy stuff easily.

but when some haunting issues that can't be spoken loom about

who will keep me buoyant?



i know i sound suicidal.

im not. no worries.

not yet, at least.

nightmare no 2.

my junk food stash is gone.



i think yr 2007 doesn't bode well.

2 nightmares in 2 days.

my very 1st dream of 2006

happens to be a nightmare.

where all the crows attacked everyone.



this is really really bad.

i tried going to bed at 12.
i failed.

since im up, tired and prob won't be slping soon, i shall attempt updating random souls who only know me via this blog abt the past week.

basically, i think im on my way to getting my own lil corner for my tent in the lam household, given how i've been there soooo many times.

and i played santa. altho i do not have a tummy ( i do not care. i do not have one. ) and i've no white hair, or white beard, i wore a red shirt. and i trooped to different houses with my rudolph and elfs.
so this yr, i gave cards, christmas socks, and to those lucky children who know the rudolph - cookies.
by the way, the cookies were cool. they were chocolate chip cookies that had a cookie-n-cream hershey chocolate in the centre..and it ended off with (for extremely nice kids) a layer of dark chocolate somewhere.
OH! and i fried an egg. it was salty. BUT YOU SHOULD STILL TELL ME THAT ITS NICE. ass.
andddd....i've been accused of chao keng-ing during my santa duty cos i snuggled in ppl's couches. to clear the record, i was not slacking. i was just a tired santa who had to rest for a bit before continuing on my journey to visit other kids. stupid rudolph.

then i baked cookies again. okay, in all honesty, i didn't. i only played with the dough. i went AFTER i woke up, AFTER clar n lump made the dough. i appeared (with their help, of course) and played. yay.
and we trooooooooped to geylang for supper! roy helped in this. haahahaha. i really do lk the over-tenderised beef horfun. BUT now all i wanna eat is astons' black pepper chicken. SIGH.

went to lin's place. zah n xw baked a chocolate banana cake. i err.......tried helping with the salad, and decided that in order for me to be more domesticated, i shld learn what to do with food. things that aren't eggs and maggi mee. i can't even figure out wad to do with the vege for salad. omg.
but it was fun.
cos i loved d chats and d game. its been so long since i last played a boardgame! ahhhhh.....i wanna play. yay.

had sushi and felt lk puking after that for overeating.
i've NEVER felt that bad.
and cos i dun wanna elaborate, this will be all abt the sushi.

its now 2.54 am .
i wanna slp.
someone teach me how to fall aslp.
i need help badly.
sickening.

i shall try cutting my hair tmr.
if i've time.

ahhhhhhhhh..

i wanna slp.

what's it with the disgusting trend to lose weight via dieting?

SIGH! MY 7210!

SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH...

fucking pissed.

love / Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[luhv]
Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
–noun

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

Love from www.dictionary.com

if i say i love you, which love do you think im talking abt?

imagine being slapped back to reality.

if you don't know how it feels like...let me tell you.

it hurts.

im writing christmas cards!

and i just wrote the one for the best friend.

and guilt struck.

SIGH!

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don’t take it
Love was made for me and you

on a sidenote, december's d time to nua arnd. the weather is perfect for nuaing, and nothing else. its d lesson i've to relearn every december.

OH.. and thats my fave song of the moment..not hints that im in some form of weird relationship that is not.....presentable.

WELL.....my hoodie came!

along with guilt that will probably last me for a lifetime.

i feel like a liability. as someone put it...bratty? omg. kill me. the guilt is eating me up.

but the hoodie is nice n i love it! love love it!

thank you! thank you very much!

im gonna be indebted for life.

i had a stayover last night.
to be more accurate, i housed 3 souls in my house last night.

and i've my top 5 fave moments....no rank whatsoever.

1. Kalyn going "i'm so fat!" and then reaching out for her glass of coke. (this was observed by chinggggg who wondered this out loud. nice. )

2. While watching Lord of The Rings, mabel leong went "you mean this isn't based on a true story?" (CLASSIC)

3. Watching ching and mabel leong attempt to hula hoop. (should count as 2..but.....they'r too amusing. one shakes everywhere..one does not shake at all)

4. Mabel leong wanting to lie on my feet. (For what, i've no idea. but she really wanted. weirdo. )

5. Ching exclaiming "i can monkey bar like a monkey!" ('cept that monkeys do not climb monkey bars)

i hate second guessing.

im getting sick of it too.

while charging the stupid nano, i decided to bring the world's attention to my cousins!

the pretty background is from far east. the benches opp guardian! and we were happily posing, while our cameraman snapped our pics...

thennnnnn.....the unglam side sets in..and we decided to just kiao-ka. but of cos, my cousin still has to look darn cool and suave even when he's just...plain unglam. ahh well, the perils of being my cousin.

lionel `- x G [ lil one says:
you always have cravings

lionel `- x G [ lil one says:
are you pregnant?

I DON'T LIKE LIONEL. says:
.................

I DON'T LIKE LIONEL. says:
yes i am.

yes, world.
i am pregnant.
does this explain my cravings?
if it doesn't, go roll away.

in a world where the perfect is ideal..
my family waits to be annihilated.

in the world where lies and facades are abundant..
my family is 1st in line.

in the world without mercy..
my family crushes and dies.
all of us.

okay...to thank those who decided to be extremely sweet......

this is the stash of (junk) food from sammi n lump!

basically, there's lk..10 huge pkts of chips, 20 pocky, hello panda, 4 bars of choc (out of which 3 are cadbury family bars), 3 cups of bee bee, a huge pack mamee maggi, a bag of marshmallows, 3(?) bags of mallow blasts, a bag of hersheys kisses, a bag of freddos, 4 small haribos, 2 chocolate coated marshmallow (which made me d happiest since i was trying to buy them), 2 boxes of cornflakes...and...yeah...exhaustive list..but not ending yet..

actually, i'm not half as skinny as i look in the pic. it's just a damn wrong angle. i was shocked at the absurdity of recieving junk food for my bday. as if that's not crazy enuf, i've a trunk (& 2 plastic bags) of junk food.

not that i'm complaining. the junk food happens to be the junk i love. lurveeee. true love. when you know that it's not good for you, and your love for it stays steadfast. sigh.

according to some ass, called tw...sammi & lump think tt i'm a cow.

and..............altho i doubt they think im a cow, i think they see me as a glutton.

but its okay! i still love you all! my best fren! and the one who wants to steal me frm my best fren! fight over me k! but well, lump tells me to love sammi more. since he was the one who bought the food. and he told me that i've no idea how much trouble he went thru just for the food. thankkkkkkk youuu! haaha... thank you sooo much!

i cannot help but laugh each time i think of the stash of food. cos its so sweet and funny. my bro concluded tt my frens think war is coming...but yeah. it really does seem tt way.

but anyhow... thank you! to those 3 who appeared last night with the stash and the popeye's food. -insert smug emo- i love my friends.

yeah, then todayyyy, kalyn n tw (yes, the ass who decided tt ppl think tt im a cow) bought a tiny cake for me! and it was so nice.

they lit the candle outside the MDC room, asking for a lighter..and letting everyone in the MDC room hear them shouting around for some random soul...

then came into the room, and switched off the light, so tt i can see the tiny cake with the lit candle!

soooo sweet. and they gave me some hideous elmo balloon. okay, it's not hideous. just.....................too cute for me.

and in doing so, i think the world now knows that i spent my bday studying licenses in sch. LIFE. shit.

but its okay, i still love the sweet gesture! thankkk you!

anyway, to all those who care, joel chen says he wanna get thousands of helium-filled balloons for his bday. so tt he can tie them to himself, and fly home.
have u ever wondered wad dean's listers' brains consist of?

I LOVE YOU, KERSHIA WONG!

you'r lk..the moment for my bday.
thank you! for making me smile.

i know i shld be studying.

but the thin documentary from hbo is distracting, to say the least. it's enticing.

maybe it's cos of the beauty of human flaws and fallacy that is captured. of cos, there's nothing pretty about anorexics, since all you see is skin and bones.
but there's the beauty of imperfect humans. not that this sounds right, but seeing the fears and insecurities, somehow, manages to conjure up a bitter-sweet feeling.
mainly because we suffer from the exact same fears and insecurities. except tt we don't let them control us.

who in this world does not want to fit into the ideal image of the perfect body?
no one can pretend that they aren't caught up with achieving the perfect body, because everyone faces the same influences and experiences the same naggy reminder that you aren't perfect.
in fact, you're far from perfect.

maybe, we shld applaud them for their determination and drive.
for being able to keep to wad they want.
to be thin.

but then again, society lashes back at what it brought about.
anorexia & bulimia happened because of the societal craze about the perfect body that is perpretated on the runways and hollywood. (some sticks just make me feel hungry)
and society then tries to stop anorexia & bulimia from destroying women.
why attempt to fatten up someone, when you and i and everyone else with a brain know that anorexia and bulimia is a bloody mental issue.
of cos, i know that while tackling the mental issue, the health of that patient has to be nursed back.

i don't know why im ranting abt this.
maybe i'm just disturbed by the destructive power of the media and society.

i shall go order pepperoni pizza and satisfy my craving now.

exams and mugging (or the lack of) screwed my brains.

bro : what's d young of a swan?
me: ugly duckling!

[i am so smart, i cannot stand it]

dear God.

please do provide a route for me to run away.

run away from the people i've been praying for.

amen.

hello, all...meet my best fren! he's called sammi. [don't ask me why. i just like it that way]

anyhow, i've been entrusted with the task to promote him.. he wants some rich law girl who can
1) protect him in future [i don't know if he plans to rape, or be raped] and
2) let him live off in future.
actually, i think the protecting part is inconsequential. i think he just needs a girl whom he can live off.. SO TAKE NOTE.

he's a very nice person! [yes, lump. i see the disbelief on ur face. he's only mean to you cos you...remind him of himself! HAHAHAHA. okay. maybe not.]

he'll deliver tau huey and rumraisin when you'r bonkers!
really. trust me. then again, maybe it depends on the level of insanity you are at.
and the nicest part is..he'll hide the rumraisin then pop it in ur face.
you'll get nice chocos frm him too! [but i guess if you don't like choc, he won't]

he'll let you whine n bitch to him.
some ppl just aren't nice to whine to. they cut you short and tell you to face reality.
but this one will let you go on n on. n sometimes, even encourage you. quite amazing lar. [i mean..seriously..i think he's pretty well-trained if he can stand me. okay, maybe not trained. pretty...capable?]

he'll entertain you.
or your maybe sudden decisions to go visit the zoo, aka primate garden & random friends, and night safari with the slogan "spot the non-existent animals in the dark." [i don't know if he'll go to the bird park. i nv had the slightest desire to pop by that wretched place.]
and he'll entertain you while he's in there too. like the kid you see in the pic! as in..behaving lk the kid..

he'll bring you to beaches!
even if you request it in d middle of d night.
it doesn't really matter that a bit of emo blackmail was used.
what counts is the fact tt he'll bring you to beaches at night! [see this, mabel leong! grab him!]

he'll bring you to far ends of the island. [that's really all he can bring you lar, he doesn't fly a plane. he can only drive a car. wad a downer!]
far ends that include ikea, changi airport, and maybe randomly, tuas when he wanna dump you somewhere just cos you tell him that you don't lk his............school. [all that brother-brother nonsense. they'r all gays, i tell you.]
oh oh oh..he might pop by vivo tooooo.

he'll let you bully him. [i don't really like the word bully, but......... FINE! sammi. look at this n smirk]
in his own words, im d only one doing the scolding in this friendship. and he won't harbour ill feelings over it,i think. [you better don't, samuel tan.]
but he'll keep harping abt how fierce you are, and nv fail to remind you that he's abused, and oh-so-saintly-and-noble to be able to tahan you. [he abuses me emotionally]

if you think that life is fair, think again.
he's got damn nice legs. [which, i'm sad to report, are currently being destroyed by his bro. so i might need to do an update and edit this bit]
he's got the metabolism rate every girl would die for. [or at least i would. im pretending that theres no snake in him.]

but if you think God is unfair, think again!
i don't know what to do with his...........brains sometimes.

he tells you he'll buy a huge dog and train it to pounce on you.

he looks at your arms when you talk abt fats. [THIS ISN'T NICE AT ALL LAR.]

he agrees wholeheartedly and happily when you voice out your thoughts abt you being a moron. [i take back everything i said on how he's really nice.]

aiyahhhh d list goes on lar. but i think this bloody post is the longest i've EVERRRRRRRRR blogged. my goodness. just fer you, sammi.

and to clear all doubts, my best fren is actually older than 7. or wadever age that lil kid was when the pic was taken. [he was so cute. sooooo cute.] i aint no deluded pedo lar. kids can't drive nor stay up late.

here's the best fren now:

quite smart ah! i told you God's fair.

anyhow...

to sammi: you can pretend you read this on ur bday k! happpppy birthday!

oh oh! he wanted me to add this in. "even tho my best fren hates horror show, he woke up at 10 am, despite slping at 6 am, to eat macs breakfast with me, then caught final call, which is a dumb horror show, with me" [okay, i admit. i embellished the statement. but only a tad!]
AND HIS IC GOT CHECKED FOR A NC-16 SHOW!

you're very very much appreciated, sammi!
don't die before me k!

because kershia misunderstood that roy is my best fren..

and because the real best fren said im a lousy blogger who mislead ppl...

my best fren is TAN YAN SHAO SAMUEL.

preferably known as sammi.

i don't think i can protect the identity of this friend. i mean...my new phone's cam (SHOW OFF SHOW OFF) happens to be damn clear. well, for simplicity's sake, lets call her jasmine's sis.

imagine - ur sis waited for u at the airport for 1/2 hr and welcomed you with a welcome note (altho its written at the back of her lect notes...and is in actual fact, half-done), u'd prob drown her with ur love.

imagine - ur sis blowing up dozens of balloons for you, listening to you whine, stayed up the whole night to prepare a surprise for you, u'd prob smother her with ur hugs. (actually, im not sure if it's the same sister...but i suspect it is)

well...that's jasmine's sis. she's quite a sweet soul. really. she does really sweet things that would make people smile. (jasmine. appreciate her.)

BUT as we all know, there are ALWAYS many facets to someone.

so as much as jasmine's sis is sweet, she is one heck of a.... (i can't find a word)

when jasmine's sis is driving...she spews..okay, peppers, her sentences with..colourful nouns. (are vulgarities nouns?)
an example would be "ta ma de, what is that guy trying to do?"
another example would be "ehhhh FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK!" (okay, i doubt thats a noun.)

and when jasmine's sis drives, she likes to talk to cars. or maybe the drivers, in their cars. (do not doubt her intelligence. she is AWARE that they cannot hear her).
doubt her sanity.

and jasmine's sis likes to pretend that she is demure. honestly, wearing a pink dress with a mustard (is there such a colour? such things look better on hotdogs anyway) sweater REALLY does make her look demure. demure and girly.
but she spoilt it all the moment she told someone to shut up.
THEN she proceeded to exclaim to the world at large that she is, in fact, a nice little girl.
i really liked the contradictory action and declaration.

jasmine's sis is damnnnnnnn random. really seriously damn random. she's so random. but i like her random-ness. cos her lil random comments make me happy. unlike some other random random-ness, which only constitute as a fleeting moment in life.

n jasmine's sis is funny. you can't really determine and agree with this unless you know her. i mean, whoever bursts into a room and poses with a half-done welcome note written on the back of HER LECTURE NOTES?
(look...we could say that she studies, i mean..she has her lecture notes with her at the airport..but..............is that how she uses her lecture notes? tsk! so much for studying ahhhhhh)

n ppl are JEALOUS of me cos i'm jasmine's sister's friend. *SMIRK*

i love you, kalyn! (sorry, i mean, there really wasn't a neeed to hide ur identity. u look so gleeful! not like the hiding ninja who acts mysterious!)

i changed my number!

roy - messed up with all that re-wiring going on, but it's settling down. says:
hahaha... i memorise your that number for 4 years leh...
sentimental value siah.

SEE THAT, BEST FRIEND?

i've got one sentimental friend! yay!

i said i wanna hibernate.

and really, it is nice & in fact, extremely therapeutic, to just lie on ur bed, look at the rain n snuggle underneath the comforter.

trust me. go try it out.

you'll be d happiest person on earth.

if only i'm not trying to worm out of an appointment, not thinking of the deadline set in school tmr, and not thinking abt anatolia and the bbq chicken.

i could be the happiest person on earth.

im a bit impatient. heck. im not patient. in d least bit.

so no prize for guessing that i hate waiting.

waiting for anything.

im sick & tired. maybe its just the lack of slp. but maybe, it's really gg to stop.

i swear, by 2007, it should.

on a side note, i really am sick & tired. as in, literally i hope i've some prince who would whisk me off to some random nice swing n let me swing there. a knight will do too.

current addiction: nickelback - far away.

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving
Hold on to me and
never let me go

today, i met a madman on the bus. (and to quote mabel leong..i really do "have such luck".)

i laughed at him. cos the things he said were pretty funny. he talked abt 911 certificate, and how important it is. he talked abt goh chok tong. he talked abt some kid and his bro as they walked up the stairs. he talked abt some man's wife when the man appeared. and he said hi to unknown entities outside d bus, waved n pointed at his new invisible friends.

but maybe, all he wanted was to get people to care abt him. cos at the end of it all, as he left, he said "bye. i love you too."

maybe, in this world, all of us are so caught up in our tiny bubbles, that all we do is to turn our backs on people who really need our help.

maybe, in this world, all that is lacking is a bit more attention from everyone. if bush paid attention to iraq,rather than his popularity, the iraq war might not be so disastrous. (but im lying. cos all wars don't bring any good end.)

maybe, in this world, if everyone got the attention they needed, there wouldn't be so many deaths (read: suicide).

but the attention given to people now rarely mean anything. smiling and nodding at wad one says doesn't necessarily mean that attention is given and that there's understanding.

heck, that smiley ass might not even be listening.

afterall, this world is largely superficial and shallow.

well, i shld rename this blog a chapalang blog.
cos in my own words..there is no point blogging abt deep & insightful stuff..people need frivolity in their lives.

and so, i guess, there's where my importance lies! i bring joy. somehow.

i rem some random entry from some random person that said she would die from sweetness.

well, i don't know how she'll die.

but i like the little acts that mean a lot in my life.

not my little acts, but someone's little acts. hahahahaha.

not that im gonna die from sweetness tho.

in my very superficial world, i realised that sometimes, the smallest gestures are the sweetest ones.

i'm really thankful for the friends i have. maybe i shld really do a lil shout out to everyone. but somehow...it doesn't seem right to give lil shout outs. i need to do more than that.

i know for a fact...that most ppl treat me a lot better than i treat them. i mean, i would like to pretend that it's not true, but the picture i face with is really painted differently. not that i'm complaining. it's not bad to have ppl treating me nicely.

and i really do appreciate each and everyone. i dunno if the person who inspired this will read this (i highly doubt so. since he doesn't konw abt this.haha) but still...thanks.

thanks to all of you. because each and every one of you made my day at different times for different reasons.

and in kalyn's words..much love.

hi friends.

i decided to apologise to those who have seen my extremely vulgar side recently.
it's cos of the lack of slp.
i'm really, honestly, terribly sorry about this.
i swear..i'll try my best to be less vulgar.

i still love u!
i hope u love me toooo!

jing.

hi friends.

i decided to apologise to those who have seen my extremely vulgar side recently.
it's cos of the lack of slp.
i'm really, honestly, terribly sorry about this.
i swear..i'll try my best to be less vulgar.

i still love u!
i hope u love me toooo!

jing.

if i could get all the answers i want...

would i be a happier person?

behold the ninja!!

introducing my friend who likes to mask her weirdness under an icy veil... ms ninja. (i'm currently trying to protect her identity, despite her protest abt me doing so)

initially, we all thought she was aloof, and cool. someone who is quiet, and (in ching's opinion) will never break into songs. (HA!) and she had this icy front, till everyone will come whispering to me and go "ehh...ninja (protecting identity currently) is really quiet". she was a ninja of few words..i mean..ninjas normally wear masks, so they don't talk..but yeah...she rarely make noise.

until recently! when she decided to lift her veil, like how courts lift corporate veil...(okay. pardon this.) but anyhow...acc to zah, ms ninja finally decided to show the world who she really is. and.......the world shld be warned that she is nothing like how she presents herself to be.

really. nothing like how she is thought to be. and its all ching's fault!

no one would believe that she almost slipped off a chair...and in doing so, made some extremely weird noise.

no one would hear her whining and stamping her foot. (okay, i admit..this is my fault)

no one would catch her bursting into some random song. (this is REALLY ching's fault)

no one would witness her gushing over some old ang mor. (not as old as zah's and lin's....preferences..but still too old for me)

no one would see her prance around with her little shopping bag (which she pretends is a schoolbag) and go arnd pretending that she is gg to study, but really, just wants to whisk us off to some random shopping mall.

no one would know that she CONSUMES plasters. (what the hell is wrong is ninjas)

no one would find out that she does not eat brinjals, because they remind her of herself. (she's.......quite weird)

and no one...absolutely no one...will EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER realise tt she likes to throw starfruits around, and pretend that they are darts!

well, no one..unless they read my blog! hahahahahahaha... or if they belong to our little self-sufficient group. (no clique..no clique..cliques are cliche)

i love you, ninja!

lets go have sushi!

to the world at large!

or rather, to those who give a damn abt my shoes....

i tried really hard (or rather, in my opinion, it was really hard..afterall, it's all a matter of relativity in the world) to find my shoes..

and i concluded tt theres no point in buying shoe racks and shoe cupboards if the cupboard's just gonna be blocked by the racks.

well, anyhow..i couldn't find all my pretty shoes. i'm sure i've more shoes than tt. i have a picture of each shoe in my mind.

so, i shall pretend tt i dunno i've so many shoes and cont buying many many many many pairs of shoes.

i shall marry the person who can make a walk-in cupboard for me and let me put all my shoes on display!

or maybe, i'll just be d person who gives myself all tt.

i'm cool enuf to.

im supposed to be doing some random case summary..but i can't stand this.

I CANNOT STAND MY NEW HAIR.

ITS UGLY.

its killing me.

im gg to start investing in tons of hairbands n maybe caps n probably a few paper bag masks.

so much for a therapeutic experience with a hair cut. THERAPY, MY FOOT.

i suddenly have this desire to go clean the shoe cupboard...just so tt i can find ALL my shoes n start wearing them one by one. i mean, there's no point in me buying so many shoes, then keeping them in d boxes n let them stack up.

but of cos, i cancelled everything today just so tt i can prepare the mock trials and do my tut...and study the few chpts im supp to...

so i guess..my shoes have to wait.

sigh.

im in school now.

not that i'm attending the lects i have today.

i came to school to do my tutorial, and my bloody short attn span just doesn't let me get anything done.

n im hungry. so far, today, i've eaten half a bun, one single hi-chew sweet and am sucking some coffee sweet. im hungry, but i hate school food. i want fried chicken.

im tired. i couldn't slp till 2 plus last night, and i woke up early today. okay..it wasn't v early..but i could really do w more slp.

i'm drained. i shall stop all of this damn soon. i hope i can.

i know i keep saying i don't wanna analyse. but who can stop analysing?

i know i keep saying i don't know. but in actual fact, i do.

i know i keep pretending that im ignorant, but do you realise that i know everything?

i know i keep smiling, but i squirm more than you'll ever know.

and i know i don't like how i'm thinking right now. but who knows wad i'm thinking right now.

where are you?

nothing works better than retail therapy.

at least it brought joy and life back into me.
i love my pretty shoes!

i need to stop.
its abt time to.

i think the right company matters. i miss my dear jc clique.
of cos, we weren't the nicest people around...but i love how we'r so self-sufficient.
i love our humour.
i love our brains.
i love us.
and it was nice finding it all back again.

for apple's 21st bday...shes got this! i mean...no prize for guessing whats the red thingy inside! but it's so nice!

and then for the xueping......who gives me an entirely new experience when she drives... ala "a whole new worlddddd....a new fantastic (or not) point of view".

and i painted the shoes! i thought i destroyed them...but NOOOO! they turned out pretty still..thanks to my brain! HAHA!

on a side note, i know how nsmen behave now. the commando officer and the pregnant PA who supposedly chionged before becoming sammi no. 2 couldn't even walk a short distance. i mean..if lump and izzy can do it...why can't they! stupid nsmen. the budget for S*F is too high..considering the people in the army. but no. i will not...i REFUSE to..reveal the identities of the nsmen. never!

n i've nv felt so bad in my entire life.

im so sorry.

whoever said that money isn't impt lied.

cos money buys experiences.

i went to the zoo! i was just asked a very weird question abt whether or not i like animals, since i went to the zoo n the night safari.

and...i don't really like animals.

i just felt lk gg.

so thanks to d 2 ppl on earth who actually went w me!

to both places!

and im hungry now.

why is it that rationality and emotions seem to be mutually exclusive?

maybe the more you try to stop or hide ur emotions, the stronger they become.

who knows.

if u'r gonna start thinking tt im in some emotional turmoil when im writing this..u'r wrong. cos in my mind now, other than this emo reaction after reading my fren's blog..the other thing im thinking abt is potato chips. preferably calbee's hot n spicy.

LIFE.

n i washed a car last night! okay..technically..i only sprayed water for a while n got bored...n wiped d car and felt tired...but..its actually pretty therapeutic! hahahahaha.. i lk!

technology kills.

not all tt bombs and shit.

but how ppl die frm heart attack and burst arteries when techonology fails.

i used to like staying at home.






i really did.

just in case you didnt know..

im beginning to hate you.

i've a company law test tmr!
i am so dead.

anyhow, i caught pulse at sun plaza yesterday. that creepy shopping centre with a walkway that'd fit right in with ANY random horror movie.

pulse is darn stupid. it does not make sense, and ends with such a cliche line. of cos, i dunno if it started in d same lousy manner, BECAUSE I HAD TO WAIT FOR 2 STUPID NSMEN.

no offense, but i hate waiting. esp, when im alone in some creepy copping centre that would fit right in with any random horror movie.

i had to walk around that dingy little cinema sooooooo many times, im pretty sure the people working there will point me out when they spot me in say...harbourfront and go "hey..see tt girl? she was so lonelyyyyyyy..."

i'm just being all random n moronic cos i can't bring myself to study.

i can't go offline, cos if i do tt, i'll just go back to bed.

and i wanna eat something. not just the packet of chips i had.

this is probably my longest entry in.....i've no idea how long. my memory is failing me.

i was scared watching pulse. and i feel stupid for that. so if u read this, and noticed this line, forget it pronto. this is an order.

i need to go sit on some random swing n swing my troubles awayyyyyy.

but what if the troubles refuse to go away. do i just remain on d swing?

you konw..i actually wanted to type this really long post abt my dearest xueping.

but given my damn short attention span...i typed halfway..n decided to change everything, since i got damn bored of what i was typing.

but anyhow..i LOVE you! u make me really happy! notice MAKE. not made.

it's called true love! cos we both aint all tt pretty. hahahahahahahahaha. okay. my bad. im not all tt pretty. true love!!

esp since we both didn't lk each other tt much to begin with! but love grows! true love k!

dump rambo n run to me, darrrrrrrling.

wo love my xue ping!

i went to sun plaza today. it's at such an ulu corner of singapore. i mean...sembawang? who goes there lar. (apparently some sembawang-ers do. but i bet its only cos they'r lazy to get out of sembawang)

and then i spotted this girl with a bandage on her head. i mean, i honestly thought she could have worn it as an accessory, so i stared. but yah, wrong thing to do.

but anyhow...after tt...we went to a more ulu part of singapore! okay...not more ulu..maybe just as ulu. west coast park is seriously..damn weird lar. its nice, but...the playground is so..eccentric. but its nice. just not a nice place to swing. SIGH

WHY IS IT SO TOUGH TO FIND A NICE SWING?

i think if i die...it means one less burden.

so i won't be sad if i die.

so if u plan on being sad, dun be.
be happy for me.

i honestly hope that my tutor is efficient. okay, change that to slack. maybe she'll just have half the class present tutorial 1,and the other half to present tutorial 2, then i can get to go off early and slp.

of cos, slp after i fret over prop law and company law.

LIFE.

on a side note, kit chan makes all d difference in the forbidden city. allllll d diff. she's darn good!

i think i'm a v blessed person.

extremely blessed.

thank you all.